Once again, we have learned that the NSA has been spying on Americans. The reason for the spying seems to be certain people’s political affiliations and personal associations. So, just in case the NSA thinks that I would be a good target for surveillance since I look so threatening, I have sent them a letter dictating my daily activities so they don’t have to take the time to secretly comb through my files.
It has come to my attention that your spying antennae are up again. Instead of worrying about being a target of your investigations, I have decided to be proactive and send to you my daily activities so you will know that I am no cause for concern.
Donna Cavanagh’s Daily Routine
5:45 AM : Let my dogs LuLu and Frankie out. LuLu and Frankie are both licensed and vaccinated as is required by Pennsylvania state law.
5:55 AM: Bring the girls in for treats (both are considered senior dogs so they also get Glucosamine Supplements. These I buy via certified American companies and NEVER through the Canadian pharmacies that offer me huge discounts online.
6:05 AM: I make my husband a bowl of fruit and give him a container of yogurt and some grapefruit juice to down his daily supplements which again I buy at the holistic wellness store next town over. (For the record, I am not June Cleaver; I just want him to skip donuts) All the supplements, while not endorsed by the FDA because they hate everything natural (oops, forget I said that, I love the FDA), are legal in every sense of the word legal.
6:15 AM: I make myself a cup of coffee – that comes from Costco. There is nothing more American than Costco.
6:33 AM: My husband leaves for work. The great thing about engineers (he and his carpool buddy) is that they are exact in their exit time. They leave no later than 6:33 and if his carpool buddy doesn’t show up by 6:35, my husband knows there is no carpool. I don’t get this. There is no text, no phone call, just the designated “you are too late for carpool” time. Those funny American engineers.
6:34 AM: I shower and then go out and do poop patrol in my backyard. I take on this activity twice a day. For the record, my dogs do not like to poop outside their yard, so you will not see my poop illegally deposited on anyone’s lawn unlike my neighbors across the street who the Feds really should be spying on.
7 AM-8 AM: I start promoting the HumorOutcasts writers who posted the night before. I get my first legal giggles of the day even though some do live on foreign soil.
Also, I read my emails and delete most of the porn and all the anti-government propaganda emails that are in my inbox.
8 AM to whenever: I turn to editing manuscripts and doing promotion for authors. (All my authors have the correct IRS forms and status. I am a good American tax-paying citizen so no need to check me out here either.)
Go back to promoting HumorOutcasts writers, authors, etc. Well, you get the idea.
Check in with my daughter to make sure she got to work; Check in on my parents once a day. I am a good mother, daughter and loyal American citizen.
1 PM: By now during the day, something has ticked me off. So, I blow off steam and cuss. It’s sort of my therapy. It’s not communist therapy but just good mental health therapy.
1:15 PM: I feed the girls lunch. Usually, they get something human to entice them to eat their dry dog food.
1:30 PM: More HumorOutcasts Promotion, author promotion, Facebook, Stumbleupon, Twitter, etc. etc.
3 PM: Take a break and have a cup of coffee or iced tea and sneak a peek at Criminal Minds re-runs. (This show is about the FBI – see I am patriotic).
3:15 PM: Turn off Criminal Minds because I’m now scared that a serial killer is in my house. I phone my daughter and remind her to use her Pepper Spray for anything.
4 PM: Start to contemplate which stupid healthy dinner I am going to make. Contemplate pizza instead. (Buy pizza only from restaurants that have documented workers)
6 PM: Dinner with the hubby. He too complains about healthy dinner crap, but we forge on.
7 PM: Second round of poop patrol and then water the gardens which grow only wholesome pro-American vegetables.
8 PM: More promoting of HO writers, authors, etc.
9 PM: Check last of emails and send correspondence back
10 PM: Set up schedule for next day
10:30 PM: Watch old classics on MeTV (Watch shows that did not tolerate questioning governmental actions)
11 PM: Shut down computer.
So, NSA this is sort of my daily schedule. As you can see, I have no time for subversive activity. I hope this takes me off your list as a possible spy target. Thank you for your time.
Have a wonderful sunny day,
Donna T Cavanagh