Thank you Craigslist. I need someone to cover for me. Bill Y is going to get himself a cape.
Me, a gentlewoman:
Of good birth and in the bloom of youth;
Possessed of vast estates and holdings, including a natural cave under a waterfall in the midst of my Edenic gardens, ideal for hermit life;
Of refined sensibilities and a melancholy disposition.
You, an ornamental hermit:
Not younger than 30, not yet older than 50;
Possessing a great, grizzled beard;
True lover of solitude;
Unafflicted by any social diseases.
The successful candidate shall be provided with books, water, spectacles, a cape, an hourglass, and food from the house.
Terms of the Agreement include seven years of service, during which you shall not:
Cut your hair or beard;
Trim your nails;
Bathe;
Leave the premises of the hermitage;
Accept money from my gentle guests.
Duties shall include:
Reminding all passersby of our shared mortality;
Living most simply, as our forefathers did;
Providing the lady of the house such entertainments as she requires;
Serving as occasional bartender at fetes and balls.
An etching of our last hermit is provided for your reference. Your response is kindly requested.
The beard part isn’t so bad, but I balk at having a guy around who never bathes. Peeee-yew!
I hear you sista but I just want the cape!
Bill Y who would not want a man who never bathes or shaves and wears a cave. Sounds like the guy of everyone’s dreams.
This is the suff that legend is made of! Have you seen that cape?