Make Vote Buying Fun for the Whole Family | HumorOutcasts

Make Vote Buying Fun for the Whole Family

October 27, 2014
By
 grasshoper

 

The campaign spending season is in full swing with well-funded politicians claiming that an enemy victory will result in a plague of locusts o’er the land. (It won’t happen at my home. I have a rather aggressive lizard patrolling my office window.) Anyway, I see all sorts of articles, posts, emails claiming that hopeful politicos might be raising hundreds of millions of dollars. Indeed, in 2010 Meg Whitman spent the colossal sum of $150 million to run for governor of my state of California. This outrages me to no end.

This will happen if you vote for the wrong candidate.

How come I didn’t get any of it?

Look at it this way. Meg–may I call you Meg?–spent about $4 per every human being in this state. Did she get elected? No, she lost. She got nothing. Did we get anything? No, just an endless sea of ads that sapped our wills to live. What should she have done?

Bought our votes. Directly.

We could have gone to her website and pledged  all our eligible votes to her. That would have been two in my case. In return, Meg would have given us $4 in vouchers, per family member,  good to any fast-food restaurant of our choice, $16 for me and my brood! Yum! Yum! Would any votes ever have been sold so tastily

Could her gubernatorial opponent Jerry Brown with his paltry $4 million could have competed? No.

Think about it next time,  candidates. My idea is good for you, it’s good for American voters and it’s good for Taco Bell.

– Paul R. De Lancey,  Concerned Citizen

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Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Paul De Lancey

Paul De Lancey writes in multiple genres: adventure, westerns, morality, time travel, thriller, and culinary, all spiced with zaniness. He is a frequent contributor to HumorOutcasts. His novels "Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms?" "Beneficial Murders," "We’re French and You’re Not," and "The Fur West" and his cookbook Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World have won acclaim from award-winning authors. Paul is also the writer of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics. Dr. De Lancey obtained his Doctorate in Economics from the University of Wisconsin. His thesis, “Official Reserve Management and Forecasts of Official Reserves,” disappears from bookstore shelves so quickly that most would-be purchasers can never find it in stock. Paul, known to his friends as Paul, was the proud co-host of the online literary events Bump Off Your Enemies, The Darwin Murders, and Tasteful Murders. He also co-collected, co-edited, and co-published the e-book anthologies resulting from these events. Perhaps Mr. De Lancey will someday become a literary giant without having to die for the title. The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Paul ran for President of the United States in 2012! Woo hoo! On the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Estimates of Bacon & Chocolate’s share of the votes range from 3 to 1.5% of the total. El Candidato also lost a contentious campaign to be El Presidente of Venezuela. In late 2013, Chef Paul participated in the International Bento Competition. The great statesman is again running for president, this time under HumorOutcasts’ sponsorship. Contact Paul before he gets elected to get that ambassadorship to Tahiti you’ve always wanted. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep. His books are available at: www.lordsoffun.com and amazon.com.

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One Response to Make Vote Buying Fun for the Whole Family

  1. October 27, 2014 at 7:01 pm

    Even politics revolve around food! I like your idea though. I would vote for a candidate who gave vouchers.



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