My Husband’s Not Gay – That’s the name of a new reality special set to air on TLC on January 11th. While the Huffington Post does not seem very enthusiastic about this groundbreaking new release, I am.

In this program, a group of Salt Lake City Mormons face one hard truth – they are attracted to men, but choose to be with women. Some of them are married because they believe that feelings for the same sex go against the teachings of their Gospel.

When I first read the article and watched the video, I kind of cocked my head to the side and squinched up one eye… “Huh?” I mumbled, until I realized that what I was feeling was not confusion, but understanding. If you take Gay George Michaeland God out of the mix, it is obvious that finally there is an outlet for denial and contradiction – birth rites we buried under the big hair of the eighties, until the late nineties, when George Michael got caught in a UK bathroom with his own hard truth. Not only was the door to that stall left open, but so were the floodgates to our personal lives – The Reality TV Phenomena was born.

And it’s been a good run, but enough with the going commando and the public temper tantrums already. I mean once you’ve aired your infidelities and prosthetic leg to the world, it just not fun anymore. JK, it is.


prosthetic leg

There is no doubt that TLC is looking for truth tellers for their new shows. And by truth tellers, I mean like when you put on a size 7 pair of jeans even though your waist is being strangled, and you tell yourself it’s just water weight that you will pee out of your system by the end of the day.

As I watched the teaser for My Husband’s Not Gay, I looked for ideas that might help sell my story so that one day I too may contribute to quality TV. Even though I may not be with men and have feelings for women, I feel like if I come clean about what’s really going on in my mind, I could have a real shot at my own show on a network like TLC, who has brought us gems like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo – a show about an American family and their hygiene. I have to admit, I had my doubts about the realness of reality shows, but then I saw this family belch, spit, and pick their noses. When the molestation scandal got their show cancelled, I thought, Well yeah, they’ve reached their peak. There’s nowhere else to go from here. Except if the guy who molested your daughter is the father of your other daughter… Honey Boo BooBut now, My Husband’s Not Gay has come along. These men have paved the way for us and the weird ways we justify our life decisions. They will give rise to the ones we call ConsexualsCONcealing their true feelings, CONtradicting their natural urges and logic, and CONning themselves and significant others into thinking that every thing is ok. In this futuristic reality scenario, sexual orientation does not matter because it’s all about CONfiding to the public every CONversation we’d normally keep in the CONfines of our own heads because they are so CONvoluted.

On the clip, one guys says, “I want to marry a girl but I don’t know how to work out these feelings…” Dude, I feel ya. Every time I’m in the store, I’m all like, I want to be rich, but I don’t know how to work out these feelings I have for those cute platforms. Or that crop top. And the pleated skirt with those hot knee socks.

Another drops this bomb, “I’m interested in men. I’m just not interested in men.” I said that about the cupcakes I baked this morning. I know it’s all good because my cellulite just high – fived me.


Photo credits: Google Images

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6 thoughts on “MY HUSBAND’S NOT GAY”

  1. When you get your show, I promise I’ll break my rule of never* watching reality shows and check it out.

    *Note: “Never” doesn’t include things like American Idol and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, both of which I confess I have actually watched.

    1. If you do that Kathy, then I look forward to your blogs about things like when I pose nude on magazine covers with champagne glasses balanced on my tush. There’s nothing like keeping it fresh, right?

  2. Thanks Thomas. If you play your cards right, you can be the straight guy who frowns at my antics throughout the show. If that’s not appealing, I might have an opening for a mentally ill, alcoholic, or drug addict sidekick…

    1. Actually, I think I’m better suited for that role than Thomas, because, as my friends can attest, I am certifiable.

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