Starbucks and Walmart Plan to Open Stores on Earth-Like Planet

earth-like planetsAs the number of potential store locations around the world continues to diminish, retailers Starbucks and Walmart have drawn up secret plans to expand on a recently discovered Earth-like planet.

Astronomers found the planet orbiting a sun in the so-called “profitable zone” – just far enough from the sun to ensure that there are plenty of buying seasons for consumers. An analysis of the planet’s surface revealed a patchwork of smooth, flat spaces that can support parking lots and big box stores. The absence of zoning regulations is another attraction for the retailers.

The atmosphere on the planet is very similar to Earth’s: relatively flat between peak seasons but picking up to frenzy levels on Black Fridays. This is a major plus for Walmart because it means that its store greeters will not have to wear helmets.

A potential problem is that the planet is about 500 light years from Earth, but as a retail analyst pointed out, “these companies have successfully opened stores in South Dakota so they are experienced at expanding in remote locations.”

Photo: NASA

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