The Big Bag of Bras

Not many people know about me what I’m about to reveal to you. I – uh oh, maybe I shouldn’t share – do I dare? OK, I’m going to risk it – one of my biggest secrets is that I – could have been a hoarder – not to be said in the same manner in which Rocky Balboa said, “I coulda been a contender” – but, yeah, I coulda been a hoarder. That is, until I discovered that hangers didn’t cost $20 a piece!

You see, because I couldn’t afford $20 hangers, I kept my clothes piled on my bed, on my couch, next to my couch, next to my bed, on the kitchen table, on the counters, on the washer, on the dryer, and in various spots all over the floor, because until that day, the day I discovered the actual price of hangers, I didn’t think they were affordable. (If any of my older friends read this post, they’ll remember those days and finally understand why I had clothes EVERYWHERE.)

WHY did I have so many clothes? Good question. I HATE shopping, so HOW did I get so many clothes? I promise to reveal that secret to you too, but in the meantime, as you might imagine, I was absolutely gleeful when I found out that I could buy hangers for just pennies! If you look in my closet today you will see that it is filled with hangers. Oh, and I even have clothes on them!

Anyway, because I’ve always been a borderline hoarder, I have always hated – I should stress the word, hated – getting clothes and other things from people who no longer wanted or needed their old things. I could actually hear them saying to themselves as they sneered at their ready-to-get-rid-of items, “Hmm, should I throw this in the garbage or – oh, I know! I’ll give them to Terry!

So, yes, HATED! Why? Because I could never say no to anyone. Especially when those things I didn’t want came from people like – my mother. “Need another blouse you’ll never wear? I can’t bear to throw it in the trash.” Why, yes, Mom – just pack it in with all those hundreds of other items I will never need, want, or use. Why give everything to the Salvation Army when you can clean out your house and give all of your unwanted items to me, your oldest daughter, the only one who can’t say no to you? Oh, and, Mom, don’t forget to keep me in mind when you want to give away your unlimited supply of bras you can’t give away but you also can’t throw away.

Yeah – about the bras. In addition to the hoards and hoards – and hoards – (yes HOARDS) of clothes and other miscellaneous items my mother has given me over the years, she has also given me a big bag of bras. I can safely say that I am probably the only woman on the planet whose mother has given her a bag filled with bras. I’m convinced this is payback for the 70s when I didn’t even own a bra. Now I have hundreds of them. I could wear one a day for the next year and still have enough bras to take me into the next century.

OK, maybe I’m exaggerating – but only slightly. The problem with my mother’s bras is that, well (thankfully she doesn’t read my work; otherwise I might hesitate divulging this very personal titty – I mean ditty), even though she is 80, she still has perky breasts that sit where they are supposed to sit – on her chest. Mine, however, hover somewhere in the vicinity of my belly button and I have to expand the bands to their maximum length in order to wear them. Even then, some  bras don’t fit. Do you know how much time it takes to lower bra bands on hundreds of bras?

But the thing that bothers me the most about this whole situation is: WHY would anybody need that many bras? My mother is a shoe hoarder, not the Imelda Marcos of bras too! If this is the hoard of bras she GAVE me, how many more did she keep?

Whatever – I guess I’m going to have to challenge myself to come up with some alternate ways to use those bras.

Challenge accepted! (That was quick – oh, no, am I talking to myself again?)

I’m creative – I should be able to come up with ways to repurpose a bunch of bras. First thought – I could decorate the cups and make doll hats out of them or sew them all together and make curtains out of them – yeah, cup curtains, maybe with panels of lace in between – a kind of boobhemian chic style. Or I could use them as shoulder pads – they’re about to come back in style again, aren’t they? Wait – NO! Shoulder pads always made me look like a football player. Scrap the shoulder pad idea.

OOH! I know! I could decorate my home with Christmas orbraments and hang them from my tree! Or I could use them as cupcake holders. Wouldn’t they look cute with little cherries on top? Of course they’d be upside down, but we all have to make sacrifices sometimes.

Maybe mini planters would work. I could hook one bra to the next and hang them all from my window sills, like garland, and fill them with herbs (what a nurturing idea).

They’d also make great icepacks. All I’d have to do is wet them and throw them in the freezer the way my high school “friends” did to me back in the 60s at a sleepover when I was infatuated with the brother of the girl having the sleepover, but I couldn’t wear my bra the next day because it was FROZEN SOLID, (hmm I wonder if that event had anything to do with my reluctance to wear bras in the 70s).

Slippers! – I could use each cup as a heel and crochet slippers around the heels. Or I could make pouches out of the cups and throw sachet into them before I sewed them up and threw them into my drawers – you know, the ones filled with bras!

Cup cuffs (a kind of coaster but ones that wrap around coffee mugs)? Ear muffs? Knee pads? Baby mittens? Sling shots? Face masks? For horses?

How about exchanging boob tubes (you’re thinking TV, aren’t you) for men’s athletic supporters – 2 crotch cups for the price of 1!

As you can see, the possibilities are limitless! OK, your turn – I’m going to challenge you to come up with ideas for what you can create out of bra cups.

Photo credit with permission: “Budget Fly Mask” from Horse Trader Online. Find Horse Trader Online’s Facebook page by clicking the link. https://www.facebook.com/HorseTraderOnline?fref=photo