3-year-old: Why is your belly so big?
Wife: I have a baby in there
3: Does daddy have a baby, too?
The fat shaming starts early.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 10, 2014
Me: What?
1 y.o: *gestures*
M: I don’t get it
1: *flails wildly*
Raising a toddler is like playing charades with the worst partner ever.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 10, 2014
Sometimes I eat 10,000 calories of junk food and still hope I somehow won’t gain weight. Apparently my diet plan is to believe in magic
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 10, 2014
Wife: Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Me: *flips over table* I HATE BOTH
–The end of every single family board game night
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 10, 2014
No, I’m not wearing skinny jeans to be fashionable. I bought these as regular jeans and then I got fat.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 10, 2014