Don’t do drugs, kids. The extra demand drives up the price. Wait, I mean because drugs are bad for you or something.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014
Not to brag, but I pooped without a small child pounding on the bathroom door. Just kidding. That’s impossible.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014
The U.S. now has 6.9 million millionaires. On an unrelated note, I’m on a first-name basis with the woman behind the Kmart layaway counter.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014
Nice pics of your once-in-a-lifetime experiences in Europe. I just ordered 10 McNuggets but actually got 11, so, yeah, same thing.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014
Justin Bieber sold his final property in Los Angeles, severing his last ties to the city. Details for LA’s victory parade are pending.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014