I’m sorry, ladies, but if you wear a tight dress and high heels, you’re not “dressed to kill.” At least put on a ski mask or something.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2014
If by “productive” you mean “made more bad decisions before noon than most people make in a lifetime,” then, yes, I was productive.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2014
If you’ve never sworn a vendetta against a piece of furniture, then you’ve never assembled anything from IKEA.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2014
Not to brag, but I paid a doctor $20 and now I have a medical prescription for pizza.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2014
Ladies with hairy armpits, please tell me upfront if you’re making a statement or if you’re just lazy. I need to gauge your level of crazy.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2014
IKEA is apparently Greek for “suffering”.