The just-released October/November issue of AARP magazine contains this helpful item—#45 in a list of “50 Ways to Stay Healthy” (p. 46): “Stamp out erection issues: Worry about impotency can cause . . . impotency. Here’s a test to see if problems are physical or psychological. Wrap a length of postage stamps around the base of your penis. Secure the ends together and go to sleep. . . . If the stamps are torn along a perforation the next morning, you’re still having good nocturnal erections.”
I had high hopes when I gave this penis tip a try, but a few issues did come up.
1. The direction “Secure the ends together” is not specific enough. I don’t want to get into details, but you should avoid staples and super glue.
2. When I woke, the 8 stamps (OK, 4) were still intact, but the words “Hazardous” and “Delivery Refused” had been stamped on my “package.”
Also, the label “First Class” had been marked out and replaced with the handwritten designation “Junk Mail.”
3. Because of the aforementioned super glue, the stamps are there to stay, so now I’m concerned my post might absolutely end up in Savannah overnight.
And what if postage goes up?
No worries. I bought Forever stamps.
I guess this is what is called overnight delivery? well, I was going to buy the Snoopy Forever stamps but somehow I think they are now tainted.
I love your sense of humor, Donna. Sorry about Snoopy.
Too funny. I wonder if using stamps where the image is a towering Christmas tree would help.
Maybe so, Thomas. However, our Christmas tree won’t go up for another 2 months. . . .