Fifty Shades Of Grey and Black

“When I said treat me with cautious, I didn’t mean it literally . . . hello, hello?”

From novel to film, either way you look at it, Fifty Shades of Grey is a literary phenomenon.  This poorly written, mommy porn, one-star-out-of-five story somehow made its way to the top.  Hollywood hated it, celebrities mocked it and still it slithered from the pages to a full-length film. I still can’t wrap my brain around women falling for the novel’s main character, Christian Grey.

Sure he’s handsome and yes he’s successful, however, his love of inflicting pain for pleasure has me scratching my black-woman head.

Anywho, I thought if this book had been written with me as his love interest the dialogue may have gone like this:

CG: “Just lay back and relax while I place these handcuffs on you.”

ME: “Excuse me! The only way those cuffs are going on me is if you have a warrant and I’m under arrest! And from what I can see you ain’t the Po-Po!”

CG: “I want to grab you by your lovely locks until you scream, then make love to you!”

ME: “Wait, uh what??  I just had these extensions put in and it costs $450 for the good stuff like Beyoncé has!  Ain’t nobody toughin’ or grabbin’ nothin’ without losing their fingers!”

CG:  “I want keep you tied up overnight so that can whip you into passionate frenzy in the morning.”

ME: “???. . . Okay, I’m ret’ to go, I said I’M RET’ TO GO!  So back off or you’ll be fifty shades of black and blue! With that being said Mister Grey I have only two words left to say, so listen up . . . Bye Felicia!”

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14 thoughts on “Fifty Shades Of Grey and Black”

    1. Thank you Bill Y and this was the edited version! I left out the part of me threatening to give Kanye West his phone number.

    1. I totally agree Cathy! The only time I say no-pain-no-gain is at the gym! Thank you for your awesome comment!

  1. This’ll make you laugh, Deb! Would you believe the BDSM world is up in arms with 50 Shades? They’re up in arms and claim the books and movie misrepresent their world in that – get this – S&M is NOT abuse!! According to a Dominatrix, “Real S&M is about trust and consent and it’s empowerment, particularly for women.” The back of my head blew up reading this!

    1. LOL! Well Maura, all I can say is they would have my complete trust and consent to get punched in the throat in a truly loving and respectful way of course. Thanks for the info! 😉

    2. Ms. Dominatrix lost me at “S&M is NOT abuse.”

      Some people are getting a thrill out of inflicting pain, and it gets them really hot. Other people get hot when they are on the receiving end.

      Um … pain and the infliction thereof is abuse. Looking for someone to give you pain is self-abuse, as well as an enabling of the other person.

      Right now I have pain in my right knee from arthritis and cold weather. That’s more than enough pain for me, and I didn’t ask for it. I hate pain. I’m trying to make it go away. THAT’S what you should do with pain!

      1. I agree. Way too much pain in the world Kathy. Can’t we all just hug and make the world a happier place! Speaking of which I need to buy more Aleve for my bum riding knee . . .

    1. Paul, it’s the only book I deleted from my Kindle! The pain I suffered trying to read it was worse than any pain Mr. Grey could inflict, lol!

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