First Gentleman Bill Clinton’s Drapery Crisis

It had only been a month since Hillary had been inaugurated President and already First Gentleman Bill Clinton found himself in a crisis of grave importance. He simply could not decide between the ripple fold drapery and the pinch pleat drapery for the residence. Colors were another serious decision entirely — the jonquil was kind of pretty but the willow was warmer. Or would the java match the furniture better? This was especially problematic because he had yet to choose a suitable fabric for the sofa and the accompanying chairs, not to mention the bedspread and sheets. He was leaning toward khaki but the burgundy might make the room pop more.

Swatches in hand, he searched for his wife and eventually found her in the Situation Room. The Joint Chiefs were in attendance as were the Secretary of Defense and several of Hillary’s key advisors. Apparently, there was some sort of crisis in Yemen that demanded an immediate response from the White House. But the drapery issue, at least to him, required her full attention. Surely she would understand the immediacy of his need for her advice.

But when he tried to display the swatches to her, she just stared at him and appeared more involved with whatever was happening in Yemen. Why, he asked himself, was Hillary in such a foul mood all the time? She had been equally impatient with him when he had had difficulty deciding on the new White House china pattern. Sure, she had been in the middle of a meeting with Putin, but so what? Bill knew that Putin had always taken a keen interest in plates and he had been happy to help.

Unable to involve Hillary in his design choices as she sat in the Situation Room, Bill made an executive decision and decided to consult the Joint Chiefs, who had always been more patient and were better equipped to handle several crises at a time. After carefully considering the swatches, the generals all agreed that the java would be the way to go assuming he eventually chose the light graphite for the bedding fabric. The Secretary of Defense, however, was leaning strongly toward the jonquil, as it had always been one of her favorite colors.

Still uncertain about the drapes, Bill left the Situation Room and headed for the Oval Office, which he had also been tasked with redesigning. The oval rug with the Presidential Seal was still there but he was thinking seriously of making a bold choice and going with a rectangular rug with more pile. It would be softer on the feet and give the area more class. Just because the room was oval didn’t mean the rug had to be. Too predictable, On the other hand, rattan might be interesting. That would certainly make the news! (“FG Clinton Chooses Rattan Rug For Oval: Designers and Historians Outraged!”)

But Bill had had enough for one day. It was time for his facial anyway.

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