Introducing RoboCitizen

Four racist police officers in Fort Lauderdale were recently fired for a slew of offensive and legally questionable acts. Add that to all the other beatings and shootings, and it’s beyond obvious that things need to change. Fortunately, people are now proposing remedies like police reform and mandatory body cameras.

I have a high-tech idea that I think could help. Consider for a moment all the recent advances in robotics and automobiles. Google has developed a self-driving car. And robotics have advanced to the point where a prosthetic hand on a robot is able to pick up an egg without crushing it. The fingers can now sense the strength and resistance in an object’s material and squeeze just enough to lift the object without harming it.

That’s all we need to launch RoboCitizen.

RoboCitizen would be a black robot who cruises around town in a self-driving car. The car would drive flawlessly – stopping fully at stop signs, always maintaining the speed limit, and properly signaling at every turn. It would never make a mistake. But, the little light over the license plate would be broken.

That’s all the racist cop needs to pull the car over. The robot would calmly hand over its license, insurance, and registration. But when the racist cop starts in with his trumped up charges and pea-brain bullshit, RoboCitizen would act. It’d blast a fist through the door, grab the racist cop’s nuts, and in a deep computer voice say “You, sir, are a racist. Please apologize.”

The robotic fingers would squeeze with just enough force to inflict pain but no lasting damage. Neither bullet nor tazer would be able to interrupt this desperately needed “lesson.”

This is a total win-win. Racist cops start figuring it out and move into the 21^st century. And the majority of officers, who aren’t racists and wouldn’t pull the car over in the first place, get to keep doing their jobs while enjoying a laugh.