Kids Television For Grownups


This week Hillary Clinton will testify before the House Select Committee on Benghazi. Contrary to popular perception, this will actually give Mrs Clinton a chance to take a break from the rigors of campaigning and have some fun. Recently, a Clinton staffer leaked a copy of Mrs Clinton’s planned opening remarks for when she faces the committee:

Opening Statement, 10/22/15

[Note to self: Try to be serious. Don’t laugh.]

“Thank you for inviting me to answer questions before this sham committee that has lasted longer than the Watergate hearings and has cost the taxpayers millions. As you all know, two Republican congressmen and one staffer recently admitted that this so-called committee was primarily designed to go after me and reduce my poll numbers heading into the election. That didn’t go over well. It’s always funny watching the group freakout after a fellow Republican in DC commits the unpardonable sin of admitting the truth.

Anyways, moving on. Most of you probably remember the Howdy Doody television show from the fifties. Howdy Doody was a puppet that spoke to children. Which is basically the same thing that I’m doing here today. So in honor of this kangaroo court’s Chairman, Trey Gowdy of South Carolina, I decided to bring this…

[Reach into bag. Grab puppet. Place on hand]

Mr Gowdy, I have to admit I have no idea why they put you in charge. Maybe it’s like trying to fill that House Speaker job that no one wants. Having you lead this scam is like a chef serving Jacques Cousteau whale meat for dinner.

Regardless, I expect your questions will be pointed, just like your head. So here’s the deal. The puppet version of me will be answering all of the [flash air-quotes] questions today because this is, after all, just child’s play.

[Stand. Face Cameras. Press lips together. Move puppet mouth.]

“Hello Kids! It’s the Gowdy Doody Show!!”

[Sit down.  Enjoy wasting the rest of the day.]

Share this Post:

One thought on “Kids Television For Grownups”

Comments are closed.