I collected all of the following sentences and items from students in my college English composition courses over a 30-year teaching career. Most of the humor comes from sound-alike word confusions, typos, or misspellings. Our very rich language sometimes makes for a little fun.
Can anybody have ESP, or does it run in your jeans?
She hates the ocean and water unless she has her googles.
Trouble was always just around the coroner.
Descartes found that there is doubt in almost every faucet of life.
If the attorney flea-bargains for money, he will do an injustice to his client.
On the way to the door I stubbed my toe, so as I met him for the first time, I stood there thriving in pain.
On my trip to Alaska, the change of climax really threw my body out of wax.
The only bad thing about getting around by foot is walking in blistery cold weather.
The drunk’s unmanageable hairs were tangled all over his discarded head.
The majority of my fifth grade year was filled with rejection, hate, and anger. I was ostracized from most of the clichés.
Walking to a seat is like walking through a mind field.
I was grateful for the values that my parents installed in me.
We were arrested, but luckily we took only enough value to be charged with mister miner felony. [misdemeanor?]
That year he grew more than a foot tall from his spine being straightened. [taller?]
Some people will go to extreme links to get what they want.
As we walked down every isle, my feet became exalted, but we moved along.
Connie is also a person with a head on her shoulders.
The university could explain registration and financial aid procedures in more debt.
Today we are so in-depth because of all the money we spend on materialistic things.
Many explain that the advantage of credit is that one can make a major purpose and spread the payments for it across several months.
In some cases it is the company’s fault for issuing a credit card to an illegitimate person.
I just expected and deserved a sanity restroom.
I wanted to make a mince for being a jerk. [amends?]
Kentucky Fried Chicken has always been known for its finger looking good chicken.
It came with a bag of French fries and a bowel of cooked vegetables.
At the Magnolia Bar, you can also purchase a picture of draft beer for four dollars and twenty-five cents.
The salads and salad bar have many different assortments that thick out in your mind.
The other food items that freegans consume, such as fruits and vegetables, are usually in their ripper stage, yet still good to eat. [riper?]
This girl is awkward to meet. Her aneurisms are jerky and disconnected at times, but she is an absolute joy to know. [mannerisms?]
The Residence Director explained that I needed to stay out of trouble because if I got caught underage drinking again I could face explosion.
I tore the cartridge in my right knee just before football season started.
Chikungunya fever is a misquote borne disease, meaning a human gets infected when bit by an infected misquote though the disease is not fatal.
He is the chief of pediatric hematology and oncology at Mr. Sinai Medical Center in New York.
I was helping the other allied health student change the garments and appendages of an elderly lady named Ruth. [bandages?]
The pain usually deceases with rest.
As I see it, hypnosis can be used as a successful toot for therapy.
These steps in CPR should be repeated until the victim has been revised.
His worst accident, he told me, was being on his dirt bike and taking a shape conner. [sharp corner?]
[article title on mixed parentage miscopied as] “Children of Mixed Percentage”
The law claims that we all are equal, but in fact we are sometimes judged because of our shin color.
The Untied States is very accepting of deformed and mental people. [United?]
According to the Bible, the truth of Jesus Christ will be reviled to Jews when the end of the world is near.
Evolutionary theories conflict with people who interrupt the bible literally.
Zen is the religious belief of the boodiest.
Just because Elton John and his partner are gay doesn’t mean in any way that they are bad parents. They have the same amount of potential in becoming great neutering parents as straight couples do. [nurturing?]
The hippie’s outfit is then completed with leather scandals that have almost come apart.
There were several elderly people dressed like teeny-boopers.
Those too old to drive must get their licenses revolted by the state.
When she insulted me, that was the last draw.
Since no cars are available on the island, most people rent mope heads to ride around on. [mopeds?]
This proposal has the support of various federal, state, and local lawnmakers.
Next, when he talks, glaze into his eyes.
Terry doesn’t take time to think before acting. He represents the typical bronze and no brain.
I started clowning around and trying to stand on my heads on the front of the boat.
This frustrating situation decomposed me because now I would be considered an irresponsible babysitter. [discomposed?]
As we faced each other for karate sparring, we began to look for venerable body openings. [vulnerable?]
The U.S. now makes use of tactful cruise missiles.
When I forgot my gas mask, besides being choked by the gas, I had to take a lot of ribbon from the men.
I find myself enjoying things more with a girl who strongly believes in pre-material sex.
Neither do I agree with the argument that early marriage is protection against premartial sex relations.
Women in western culture are fiercely independent now, as many protests and marches will no drought tell you.
Because of the threat of skin cancer, we should all guard against ultraviolent rays.
Slow down your backswing and continue to consecrate by looking at the ball.
On the first day of class Mr. Ross showed us a slide shoe of his life.
There are some forms of life that exist but can’t be seen by the negative eye.
He was the valid victorian of his senior class.
By eliminating eight o’clock classes, students will have more time to prepare themselves for class and teachers can talk to a tentative class. [attentive?]
[Title of a how-to art essay] Finger Pants
This goal was meat in my essay “It’s Too Hot.”
My writhing in my essay “It’s Too Hot” demonstrated rhetoric very well.
Later on in the article you learn that the man had donated money to Obama’s camping.
In our research papers we had to blind our work with scholarly evidence. [blend?]
The letter to my best friend was more personal and had slain words in it. [slang?]
Bubble maps allow you to have something to go off of as you are in the mist of writing your paper.
My grammar use has improvement since the beginning of the semester.
A Word document does have a system of checking for grammatical errors, but it is not full proof.
In English 101, I have been taught how to write a perfect essay or come close to perfect essay. Over the course of this semester I have wrote three papers.
My content is fairly good, but my dramatical errors hurt my grade.