Two Little Words

You can spend a lifetime figuring out who you really are. At 60, I’m finally closing in on the truth. At the very least, I know who I’m not. I’ve noticed that the media loves to sum people up with just two words. Like “Internet billionaire.” Or “Famous chef.”

I recently began collecting some sobriquets that will never be used to describe me. For good or ill, I’m never going to be a:

Deranged genius

Renowned adventurer

Disgraced cyclist

Superstar swimmer

Serial sexter

Legendary anchorman

Pharma megamillionaire

Pop icon

Clueless banker.

Megawatt Star

Doomed aviatrix

Urban gardener

Luv guv

Transgender futurist

Adulterous multimillionaire

Florida socialite

Republican megadonor

Youtube pioneer, or

Blonde chanteuse

Of course, when it comes to a few of these, I do come close.  Blonde Chanteuse? I am (with salon assistance) a blonde. And the toddlers who attend Storytime at the library where I work adore my rendition of “The Itsy Bitsy Spider.”

And while I’m not exactly a Superstar Swimmer, I’m still in the pool every day, executing my plodding but consistent breast stroke.

Disgraced Cyclist? No thanks. I don’t need performance enhancing drugs to enjoy a ride around the neighborhood on my one-speeder.

The truth is that I’m happy with who I am: a Good Mom, Retired Attorney, Published Writer and Part-time Librarian.

Although there’s still hope that, one of these days, “Lottery winner,“ or even “Pulitzer-winner” might apply. (Perhaps  I should add “Incurable optimist” to that list?)

What about you? If you could describe yourself to the world with just two words, what would they be? Amazing mom? Stellar wit? Fantastic lover?

(Of course, if  you’re having a bad day, you might want to go with “Exploited wage-slave,“ “Problem drinker“ or “Unhappy home-maker.”)

Go for it! Share your two words in the Comments Section. Be as honest (or as delusional) as you want. Here’s your chance to establish yourself as a “Piccolo virtuoso,” “Investment whiz” “Unsung genius” or “World-class bodybuilder.”

As for me? I‘m going with “Sexy librarian.”
(This essay first appeared on Womens Voices For Change)

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12 thoughts on “Two Little Words”

  1. For some reason, my ex-boyfriends have called me the following:

    Lunatic fringe
    Crazy lady
    Space cadet
    Evil genius
    Sex monkey

    Go figure, right?

  2. Anyone who says “Itsy Bitsy Spider” is not an ode to the fundamental theorem of calculus is right.

    1. Donna, for you I propose
      humor helper
      laughter launcher
      chuckle champion
      fun one.

      1. Some additions for Donna:

        giggle guru
        jocularity jockey
        wit wonk
        mirth monger
        comedy caster

  3. Opera star
    Bestselling author
    Prizewinning humorist
    Funny Woman
    Eccentric genius (in my dreams!)

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