40 Reasons Why 60 Is Not The New 40

                                        
1) Somebody who is 40 does not remember Topo Gigio. 

2) Somebody who is 40 was born in 1976.  You don’t even remember 1976, not only because you were smoking dope most of the time but because you also don’t remember 2015.

3) The picture on the left above is Stevie Nicks at 40.   The picture on the right is Stevie Nicks at 60.

4)  Somebody who is 40 is not unduly upset that Richard Dreyfus and Henry Winkler are playing Jewish grandfathers.

5)  Seriously now, did you think you were ever going to have sex again with somebody who is 40?

6)  Somebody who is 40 does not remember Senor Wences.

7)  Seriously now, did you think you were ever going to have sex again with somebody who is 40, even if it’s a fairly bad looking person who is 40?

8) Somebody who is 40 calls you “Mr. So-And-So.”  Even if you are a woman.

9) Somebody who is 40 did not grow up longing to be the fourth Cartwright brother on Bonanza.

10) Somebody who is 40 does not spend inordinate amounts of time worrying about whether he is more like Beau Bridges than Jeff Bridges.

11) “Seventy-Seven Sunset Strip … snap, snap!”  Somebody who is 40 would say “What the fuck is that?”

12) Somebody who is 40 does not long for Bonomo’s Turkish Taffy, care what Serutan spelled backwards is, or wonder why Colgate no longer contains Gardol.

13) Somebody who is 40 would never use the phrase “he looks like Walter Brennan” to describe someone perceived to be old-looking.

14) You remember the 50’s.  To somebody who is 40, the 50’s refers only to the next decade of their lives, which they are dreading.

15) Do you really think somebody who is 40 would find the concept of identical cousins credible?

16) Somebody who is 40 does not meet people who look like Wilford Brimley and think “Jesus, I hope I don’t look that bad.”

17) Somebody who is 40 never worries about anybody ever referring to him or her as “40 years young.”

18) Somebody who is 60 finds the wives of all his male friends to be frumpy and unappealing and is grossed out by the prospect of having sex with them.  Somebody who is 40 fantasizes incessantly about bean-bagging the wives of each and every one of his male friends without exception!

19) You take comfort in the fact that you are not old because you never liked Lawrence Welk.  Somebody who is 40 thinks you are old because you liked Led Zeppelin.

20) Somebody who is 40 thinks that Winky Dink is just another cutesy name for you know what!

21) You have black and white memories.

22) Somebody who is 40 does not look around at people who are 70 and think “Please God, make this decade go slow!”

23) Somebody who is 40 may well think Buffalo Bob is a talking buffalo.

24) I don’t see 40 year old people climbing all over each other to hang out with you, do you?

25) Somebody who is 40 does not think it is hilarious when you shout out “I want my Maypo!”

26) Somebody who is 40 does not wonder when Steely Dan is  going to update the song Hey Nineteen to Hey Forty-Nine.

27)  Somebody who is 40 does not remember Crazy Guggenheim.

28)  “Welcome to our Show for Hunt’s Catsup.”  Think somebody who is 40 has the slightest idea what that means, let alone that there ever was a word “catsup?”

29) Somebody who is 60 remembers a time when Rob and Laura Petrie weren’t allowed to sleep in the same bed. Somebody who is 40 does not bat an eyelash at anybody naked turning up in anybody naked’s bed at any time, both of them totally naked.  On TV and in real life.

30) Would you like to trade places with somebody who is 40?  Would somebody who is 40 like to trade places with you?

31) Somebody who is 40 never has to be embarrassed that he or she once bought a Grand Funk Railroad album.

32) Somebody who is 60 finds himself using the expression “a young fella” when referring to somebody who is 40.

33) Somebody who is 40 thinks Cher has always been a solo act.

34) When somebody who is 40 says “let’s go to dinner someplace where there’s a young and lively crowd,” they do not feel out-of-place and uncomfortable when they get there.

35) When somebody who is 40 says “let’s go to dinner someplace where there’s a young and lively crowd,” they do not change their minds and go instead to the staid neighborhood family restaurant which they used to make fun of all the old people going to 15 years ago.

36) Somebody who is 40 does not remember when Bob Hope was considered hip.

37) Somebody who is 40 is not even today ready to start an argument over whether The Doors should have added horns on The Soft Parade.

38) If somebody who is 60 heard someone say “remember how we used to get out the chains come winter time?” he or she would know what it means.  If somebody who is 40 heard someone say “remember how we used to get out the chains come winter time?” he or she would think “wow, they had really kinky sex in the fifties!”

39)  Somebody who is 40 thinks that 40 is old, just as you did once.   Now you realize how wrong you were and how wrong they are.   They don’t!  

40) Somebody who is 60 is old enough to be the Boyhood Idol of somebody who is 40, even though it goes without saying you are nobody’s Boyhood Idol!