An American Success Story


You don’t get to be a super successful company like McDonald’s by just doing things the same way everyone else does. Micky D’s knows how to innovate. For example, most companies would shy away from celebrating their customers’ criminal records. But not McDonalds. They gladly tout the total number of restraining orders served to their customers:


That kind of attention to customers breeds loyalty.

McDonald’s is also a master at cutting costs to improve their profit margins. And not just their labor costs. Consider, for example, the newest item on the McDonald’s menu: The Mozzarella Cheese Stick. Other lesser companies would sell a breaded stick stuffed with 100 % real New Jersey mozzarella cheez. And then they’d watch as their costs soared and profits declined. But not McDonald’s. They come out with this:


Talk about empty calories! Removing the cheese from cheese sticks is a brilliant way to maximize profit. These customers like Brannon who are whining on social media? They just don’t understand business concepts. And they have no creativity as well, because these things would make awesome edible finger puppets.

McDonald’s will celebrate 61 (!) years in business this year. To celebrate its success and honor founder Ray Kroc, the company will be releasing the Croc Mcnugget, a crocodile meat Mcnugget that contains no crocodile meat.

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