Here We Go Lux’ry Loo

Most people might not see a connection between the unpleasantness of rental portable toilets and the abandonment of obsolete phone booths. But I’m not most people.

Yes, I recently had an epiphany about how retired British-style red telephone booths could be converted into deluxe outdoor water closets. Make the windows opaque; add a few touches inside; and voilà. And the amazingly original, witty name I came up with for this new product was Luxury Loo. Well, I thought it was original. Actually, there’s already a Luxury Loo company headquartered in Cape Cod, and you can also buy a tiny toy toilet called a luxury loo as part of the “Sylvanian Families” collection of miniature furnishings. So I can’t take credit for the name or even for the concept of a deluxe portable restroom since besides Luxury Loo, there are also similar companies named Elegant Johns and Royal Thrones.

(My research—by which I mean Paula Zargaj-Reynolds’ research—also turned up these other names:

Porta Potty

Johnny on the Spot

Ameri-Can

Tanks Alot

Oui Oui Enterprises

Willy Make It?

Drop Zone

Wizards of Ooze

UrinBiz, and

Doodie Calls.

I guess everybody’s a comedian.)

What I (perhaps) can take credit for is the idea to use the iconic London telephone booth in this enterprise. I expect a goodly number of these are available, and they’re so much more attractive than the usual dull-colored plastic sarcophagi-like haulable restrooms.

Besides the beautiful look of these bright-red booths, they’ll be more psychologically appealing since they have no connotation of bodily functions. It can be embarrassing to so publicly avail oneself of bathroom facilities. Think how much nicer it’ll be to think, “I’ll just step in here—how quaint!—and touch base with a friend.”

And what I’m also taking blame credit for is the marketing campaign I’ve developed containing no fewer than 10 sure-fire advertising slogans:

“When Nature Calls, Luxury Loo Answers.” *

“Convenient for Booth Local and Long Distance”

“Luxury Loo—It’s for You.”

“Never Be Put ‘On Hold’ Again.”

“More Commodious than the Competition”

“Luxury Loo—It’s Off-the-Hook!”

“Wi-Fi Enabled and Equipped for Live Streaming So You Can Do Your Business on the Phone”

“Luxury Loo—When You Want to ‘Go’ First-Class”

“You’re in for a Real Treat.”

“European in Style”

 

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