Really Hot Guys and Average Looking Women | HumorOutcasts

Really Hot Guys and Average Looking Women

March 22, 2016

Disclaimer: This post is the result of the author having too much time on her hands and too many opportunities to let irrelevant thoughts wander around her brain.

All you guys are looking at her face, right?

All you guys are looking at her face, right?

Television and movies are full of male fantasies.

If you don’t believe me, just take a look at most of our action movies and TV sitcoms.

Action movies are full of superheroes or really buff men who do not hesitate to go into battle against either overwhelming forces or some super-genius villain who is out to take over the world. The women in these movies are stunners (or at least really cute), and they tend to wear things that emphasize everything they have, take everything off at least once, or both. The superheroes are either monkish in their avoidance of sexual encounters (Superman) or they bed every sexy woman who crosses their path (James Bond).

Come to think of it, James Bond and Superman are objects of female fantasies, too, and some of us wouldn’t mind being Bond girls, if the fatality statistics were not so high, or maybe Catwoman, with a sexy Batman. Many of us heterosexual ladies go into palpitations, weak knees and heavy breathing at the thought of battling alongside or against Daniel Craig, Pierce Brosnan or Christian Bale.* Okay, action movies are a bad example. Let’s start over.

TV sitcoms are a little more one-sided. Just think about these examples:

1. The King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond and George Lopez – Non-hot guy is married to a woman who ranges from noticeably pretty to gorgeous. Sometimes this is a good mine for jokes about how a guy like that landed such an A-list mate. This is good self-deprecating humor, but it’s also a man’s dream.

2. A gazillion episodes in a gazillion sitcoms – A beautiful woman finally hooks up with a nerdy guy because she realizes how wonderful he is, as opposed to that handsome douchewad she’s been trying to snag. My question is, why can’t the nerdy guy ever be the douchewad and the handsome dude be Mr. Wonderful? That could be funny, too, right?

3. A plain woman who can’t get a man to look at her without barfing gets a makeover and turns into a stone cold fox, after which she finds true love. Before she turned into a fox, she was considered unworthy of anything but ugly jokes.

The Forgotten Woman

The Forgotten Woman

What we NEVER see:

1. A dumpy woman with a big head is married to a man who looks like George Clooney. She isn’t a billionaire, she’s not his boss’ daughter and he didn’t knock her up during a one-night stand when he was on the rebound after having been dumped by the homecoming queen. They just love each other.

2. A man with looks to die for falls in love with a woman who looks like Mrs. Kravitz on Bewitched, because she feeds homeless people, helps lost children and saves a local forest from an evil real estate developer who didn’t care about all the deer, rabbits, skunks, coyotes and raccoons who were in danger of losing their homes. He dumps the beautiful, but shallow Playboy model he’s been dating and marries the Mrs. Kravitz lookalike.

I ask you, why not? Why not give us average looking women a chance to live out our fantasies, too? It’s only fair. We deserve equal air time.

Do I have to write my own sitcom in order to get this done?

Hey! That’s an idea!

Stay tuned, folks. This could get interesting – or not.

New Sitcom Husband?

New Sitcom Husband?

*There’s just something about British accents, especially when accompanied by hot looks. British actors speaking with American accents are sexy, too. Don’t ask me why. Maybe it’s the thought that there is a British accent under there somewhere, just waiting to pop out at an odd moment.

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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9 Responses to Really Hot Guys and Average Looking Women

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    March 27, 2016 at 7:12 am

    If I had any of that money stuff, I would pay you to write it.

  2. March 23, 2016 at 7:57 am

    Dumpy guys do so much better on TV it makes me want to gain weight and move to a sitcom.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      March 23, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      I know, right? But, unless you’re Roseann Barr, if you’re a fat female the best you can hope for is to play Mimi in The Drew Carey Show. Susanne Sugarbaker got dumped from Designing Women after she got fat, even though she managed to be fat and gorgeous at the same time, which gave great hope to a lot of us who tried to imitate her.

      I can’t speak for other zaftig ladies, but I don’t look good in neon eyeshadow.

  3. Bill Spencer
    March 23, 2016 at 6:44 am

    Try “I Married Who?” a 2012 Hallmark movie with Kellie Martin.

    (Incidentally, the title should be “I Married Whom?”)

    • March 23, 2016 at 6:58 am

      Bill, I remember that movie! Wasn’t as good as her mystery series on Hallmark, but it was cute! LOL

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      March 23, 2016 at 5:48 pm

      Aha! To marry the hunky guy by MISTAKE! Thanks, Bill. The plot of the pilot episode of my new sitcom is coming together! 😉 😀

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      March 23, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      Oh, and I agree, but how many of us would say “whom” in this case unless we were trying to impress someone?

      A better title would be “Who the Hell Did I Marry?” That way you avoid the “who” and “whom” problem, because “who” is the subject of the sentence and, in this case, correct.

      It’s not my screenplay, though, so I can’t title it.

      • March 25, 2016 at 5:40 am

        My ex-wife already came up with the title “Who the Hell Did I Marry?”

        • Kathy Minicozzi
          March 26, 2016 at 2:46 pm

          I think a lot of people could say that! LOL!

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