Today, April 12, 2016, is National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day.
To some, like me and your average man, it’s also called I Wish I Knew How to Make Something Else Day.
Or, Can I Reduce a Meal to Only Two Ingredients Day?
If you are a kid, it’s called Grill Cheese Sandwich Day. Kids don’t bother saying the “ed”. Too many letters.
The grilled cheese sandwich has a long history. Contrary to popular opinion, it was not created in a Roman bath house, as a metaphor for the goings-on in these places.
It was created during the Trojan War.
The famous wooden horse was, on the first attempt, a cheese sandwich. Butter was placed on the inside of the faux sandwich but the hidden soldiers kept slipping out.
Greek engineers quickly realized this wouldn’t work. A recent graduate suggested putting the butter on the outside. You can’t have a sandwich without butter.
A brilliant student he was, but he later drowned in student debt.
Sensing danger from the trick sandwich, the Trojans set it on fire and lunchtime was born.
As the sandwich burned, human blood dripped out and someone yelled, “Hey, are those tomatoes?”
Thus was established the tradition of dipping the grilled cheese sandwich in ketchup.
Psychologists now believe that if you don’t dunk your grilled cheese in ketchup, you are mentally ill.
Enjoy eating a grilled cheese in large groups, because tomorrow is National Leave Me The Fuck Alone Day.