The Microphone | HumorOutcasts

The Microphone

August 15, 2017

a microphone icon

Today I am grateful for the little microphone icon on my smart phone.  I have recently learned about this little dictation device and while my fat fingers love not having to punch in actual letters, I have a long way to go to master it.  It’s no secret my smart phone is the smart one and not me.


I got a text from a friend asking, “Are you busy on September 3rd?”  Himself was standing next to the calendar in the kitchen so I asked him to check, while I hit the speaker button.  Here’s what transpired.  I will put the words of HIMSELF in all caps so you are not as confused as we all are.


WE HAVE NO PLANS so Himself checked and we are free and can make it WHERE DID YOU PUT THE CHEESE In the same drawer it’s always in look for it IT’S NOT THERE yes it is just look for it and if this is a camping thing you can count me out unless you have rented a Winebago WHO ARE YOU TALKING TOO I’m sending a text with the speaker thingy BOY THAT’S ANNOYING well it wouldn’t be if you would stop commenting because it’s recording our entire conversation WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO because then it would record our entire conversation WHAT, I CAN’T HEAR YOU that’s because I’m not talking to you WAIT UNTIL I COME IN THERE you don’t have to come in here because there is nothing I need to talk to you about WHAT DID YOU SAY I said you didn’t have to come in here THEN WHY DID YOU CALL ME I didn’t call you all I asked you to do was look at the calendar to see if we had the date free WHAT DATE September third for the love of God WELL WE’RE FREE AND I FOUND THE CHEESE THANKS FOR ASKING your ears are whistling I DON’T HEAR THEM I know but I do and you’re whistling DAMNED HEARING AIDS. . . .send!


I have no clue how to go in and delete the crap, which most of it was anyway so I just sent another text. . .typing it in with fat fingers this time. . . “We can make it.”  Gotta love technology and the losers who try to use it!

(If you would like to read more of my missives, please go to my blog at

Mary Mooney

From cranking hair in my Midwestern town of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, to eastern Pennsylvania, to three years writing for large hotels in Jakarta, Indonesia, humor has been my constant.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Google Plus

Share this Post:

Tags: , , , , , ,

One Response to The Microphone

  1. August 18, 2017 at 8:11 am

    OMG…this is so hilarious…a comedy routine, for sure! Love it, Mary.

Help Keep HumorOutcasts Going!

User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
The Astounding Misadventures of Rory Collins
By Brian Kiley and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Rats, Mice, And Other Things You Can't Take to The Bank: An Inspirational Collection of Essays from Humorous to Simply Human
By Leslie Handler. and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle