Interview with a Female Trump Supporter | HumorOutcasts

Interview with a Female Trump Supporter

May 8, 2017

TV station boss watching this interview

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. The names of the two female characters came out of the author’s imagination (just in case I accidentally came up with any names of real people) and are not meant to portray anyone, living or dead.

Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Face America. I am Sheeva Merton-Wrobles. My special guest this afternoon is Mrs. Clarabella Pistol. Mrs. Pistol has the distinction of being one of the very few Trump supporters in New York City, which, as we all know, is chock full of Democrats who would as soon tar and feather him as look at him. Welcome, Mrs. Pistol.

Thank you, Sheeva. May I call you Sheeva?



It’s okay. What is it like to be a Trump supporter in a city where almost everyone else has been in shock since November?

It’s hard. Very hard. We are a minority here. I am always having people say things to me like how I’m a nice person but I’m a flipping idiot. Nobody appreciates us.

Yes, well …

A prophet is never respected in his own country. The President was born and raised in New York City and he put up all those showy buildings in Manhattan. People here used to just call him a rich, narcissistic ass and laugh at his funny combover. Now they won’t even let him go to a little dinner on the Intrepid without yelling and holding up signs and giving him indigestion. Is this the America that we all know and love?

You called Mr. Trump a prophet. Are you saying he gets messages from God?

Uh … well … I don’t know him personally, so I don’t know where he gets his messages.

So you wouldn’t call him a prophet, then, right? In the Bible, a prophet is someone who gets messages from God.

Oh. I didn’t know that. I guess he’s not a prophet, then. He’s on Twitter, though. I know that.

Everyone knows that. Tell me, Mrs. Pistol, what did you think of the women’s marches that were staged all over the world to protest Mr. Trump’s policies?

Those pink hats with the cat ears are cute. I don’t dare get one, though. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.

The hats aside, what do you think of the women who took part in the marches?

I hope they all had good shoes and could find a bathroom. Other than that, I can’t figure out why they were getting so bothered.

Speaking of women, Mr. Trump has been heard on a 2005 video remarking that because he is a star he can get women very easily and can do anything to a woman, including grabbing her by the pussy. How do you feel when you hear this?

Oh, he didn’t really mean that. He doesn’t mean any of the stupid stuff he says. Nobody could possibly mean any of that. He’s just talking. Anyway, that was twelve years ago. He wasn’t President then.

Are you saying it was okay to say that if he wasn’t President? Would you, for instance, ever go around saying it’s okay to grab a man by the penis?

No. I’m too ladylike to say that.

Well, wouldn’t you say that Mr. Trump wasn’t being a gentleman when he said that? In fact, wasn’t he showing extreme disrespect for women? And in that same video he says he always kisses beautiful women right away when he sees them. And what does he do the minute he sees the actress who is waiting to escort him to the set of the soap opera he’s appearing on? He kisses her. He doesn’t care if she wants to be kissed or not. He just does it.

I don’t think he’d do anything like that to me.

You’re not a beautiful woman. You’re an average woman. He doesn’t even pay attention to average women. That’s disrespectful, too. Average women deserve to be seen and heard as well.

Yes, but not kissed without permission and not grabbed by the hoo hah. I’m glad the President would never do that to one of us average women. He has good standards that way.

What you call standards others would call being a narcissistic oaf, but I guess you are entitled to your opinion. Well, I see our time is up, so I won’t get a chance to ask you what you think about other issues, such as Mr. Trump’s alleged ties to Russia and his tactless way of handling talks with world leaders, not to mention his current attempts to deprive millions of Americans of their health insurance. I’m sure you would have answers to those questions that are just as well thought out as the ones you have already given. Thank you, Mrs. Pistol.

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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5 Responses to Interview with a Female Trump Supporter

  1. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    May 14, 2017 at 3:18 am

    With each word she says, Mrs. Pistol gives more ammunition to fire back at her.

  2. May 12, 2017 at 7:45 am

    I’m glad Mrs. Pistol appreciates the benefits of being an average woman.

    • May 12, 2017 at 6:06 pm

      Not having to put up with the attentions of The Donald is not only a benefit, it’s a blessing. 😉

  3. Bill Spencer
    May 9, 2017 at 6:59 am

    I note that this interview keeps showing Ms. Pistol going off half-cocked.

    Was that your aim?

    • May 9, 2017 at 10:29 am

      Yes, of course. Mrs. Pistol’s answers do tend to ricochet right back at her!

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