LEAKS! | HumorOutcasts


September 13, 2017



Women leak.  Men don’t have this problem.


Women just plain leak from every orifice.  When we have babies, our boobs leak.  We go out, we look down, and lo and behold, we have a wet spot on the front of our blouses.  More babies, and we now leak in a whole different place every time we laugh, cough, or sneeze.  Is it actually the baby who needs a diaper or the mom?


But that’s not all.  Ladies, we cry.  We cry when we watch a sad movie.  We cry when we have a bad day, we’re stressed, we’re over tired, and we’re angry.  We even cry when we are overjoyed.


Finally, there’s that thing that happens to us when we start to get old, you know, “the change.”  That’s when we leak from our pores.  We sweat. We drip.  We flash.


So there it is.  Men, they have no leaks.  Maybe that’s why most plumbers are males…they’re trying to overcompensate.

Leslie Handler

Leslie is an internationally syndicated columnist for Senior Wire and a 2015 Society of Newspaper Columnists award winner. She is a frequent contributor to WHYY's Newsworks, has written for The Philadelphia Inquirer, ZestNow, and Boomercafe, as well as blogs for The Huffington Post. She has a Bachelor of Journalism degree and currently lives smack dab between Philadelphia and New York City with husband Marty, dogs Maggie, Hazel, and Ginger, a collection of fish, said husband's cockatoo who she's been trying to roast for dinner for the last 31 years, and a few occasional uninvited guests. You may follow her blog and read published essays at: LeslieGoesBoom.com. Her first book, a collection of essays, publishes by HO/Shorehouse Press Spring, 2018.

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One Response to LEAKS!

  1. September 14, 2017 at 1:36 am

    Plumbers actually try to STOP leaks, which leads me to an idea. We women, especially those of us of “a certain age,” should have plumbers to stop up OUR leaks, preferably other women, since this can be pretty embarrassing. A woman who is looking for a new profession could make a lot of money keeping other women from watering their environments.

    It’s just a thought. I wouldn’t want to do that, because YUCK! But I guess if you can diaper a baby without throwing up from the smell you can deal with female bodily fluids, right?

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