The Devil in New York | HumorOutcasts

The Devil in New York

April 12, 2017

According to an article in The Gothamist, a group of people plan to perform an exorcism of the AT&T Building in Tribeca, in the Borough of Manhattan, New York City. They believe that the NSA controls several floors in this building and uses them to spy on people. They don’t like that and they hope an exorcism will get rid of any nasty vibrations in there.

I don’t know what they hope to accomplish aside from attracting attention, but if there are any evil spirits in there I hope they get them out. We don’t want to encourage evil spirits to come and live in Manhattan. They are not good neighbors. They shake things, make noise, possess people and scare the stuffing out of everyone.

This got me thinking. What else could use a good exorcism?

The No. 1, too obvious choice is the U.S. Government. Levitating Donald Trump and his cronies and sending them all to a deserted South Sea Island would never work, however. They’d just find some conservative islander with a boat and come back. It’s best just to vote Republicans out of Congress.

A better candidate for exorcism would be dog poop on the sidewalks. Getting the demons out of dog poop shouldn’t be too hard. Getting the poop to disappear might be more difficult.

Those slush puddles that form on street corners after every snowstorm should be bound and sent packing. Those things are evil.

The loudspeakers on every Mr. Softee Ice Cream truck must be exorcised before summer arrives. That little tinkly tune they play over and over is demon music designed to destroy every brain cell it encounters.

Get thee behind me!

What would be your choice?

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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7 Responses to The Devil in New York

  1. April 16, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    Would that exorcism had any value, of course, I feel that way about exercise as well.

    • April 17, 2017 at 7:33 pm

      Exercise gets rid of evil fat. Exorcism gets rid of evil spirits. Either way, you come out lighter.

  2. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    April 15, 2017 at 9:38 am

    Can a Trumporcism become a real thing? Please say it can.

    • April 17, 2017 at 7:31 pm

      Oh, I WISH! Oh MAN, do I wish!

      I would take bell, book and candle and travel myself to Washington, or to Mar-a-Lago if I thought it woulr work!

  3. Bill Spencer
    April 13, 2017 at 6:50 am

    Thank you, Kathy, for trying to get America exorcising again.

    • April 13, 2017 at 2:45 pm

      It’s one hell of a job, but someone has to do it! 😉

      (My punning ability, which was never very good, has improved immensely since I started replying to your comments.)

  4. April 12, 2017 at 10:45 pm

    I love it when exorcists are good neighbors. Makes me feel squooshy inside.

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