A Three Way With President Trump? No Thanks. | HumorOutcasts

A Three Way With President Trump? No Thanks.

April 17, 2018
By

My pal Dave has a problem with Stormy Daniels.

Not because he’s a fan of Donald Trump.

Just the opposite.

Dave used to have a very special relationship with Stormy. He was a single guy and she was his favorite porn star. He had all of Stormy’s DVDS and an extensive collection of magazines she’s been featured in.

“She’s the ideal woman,” he’d enthuse. “Smart. Sexy. Gorgeous. Plus. she’s got fantastic bazoomas.”

After his divorce, Dave put his profile up on Match.com and while he’s gone out with some great women, nothing ever quite clicked. But he always had Stormy to come home to

Then “Stormygate” broke. America learned that Stormy had had sex with Donald Trump and was paid to keep quiet about it. But she’s talking anyway. And she can describe The Presidential Junk in detail!

The news was devastating for the country, but even more devastating for Dave’s sex life.

Now whenever Dave fires up his erotic imagination and starts fantasizing about Stormy — President Trump enters the picture.

“Stormy and I are getting it on and everything is going great,” Dave tells me. “Then I hear the opening bars of Hail To The Chief… and in strides The Donald, ready to make Presidential Whoopee.”

Needless to say, a three way with President Trump is Dave’s worst nightmare.

“He turns up every time,” Dave laments. “I just can’t keep him out of my mind. The constant news stories don’t help.” He sighed. “There really ought to be a support group of people like me.”

Stormy may have lost Dave as a fan. But she’s got a new one.

Me.

Now Stormy Daniels is my favorite porn star. I don’t watch her DVDs and I don’t have any of her magazines but I love her interviews, follow her progress in the news and subscribe to her Twitter feed. (@StormyDaniels)

I love this woman! She’s smart and empowered and unapologetic. And she has a great sense of humor. Instead of being intimidated by Twitter trolls, Daniels merely retweets them, adding a caustic comment.

As another of Stormy’s many female Twitter fans put it, “She’s funny, shrewd and far more articulate than Trump.”

And she refuses to be slut-shamed. When one critic addressed her on Twitter as “@StormyDanielsSlut,” Daniels didn’t flip out. She just responded with a happy “Yes.”

Unlike Dave, I don’t care about the size of Stormy’s breasts. I care about the size of her resolve. I’m hoping Stormy can do what all the dithering dudes in Congress have failed to do — bring down Trump’s corrupt regime.

I look forward to Stormy doing from harmlessly spanking Trump’s tushie with a magazine to kicking his corrupt keister out of office.

As for Dave? There’s always Alana Evans.

(Roz Warren is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: LIBRARY HUMOR.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Roz Warren

Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from The New York Times to The Funny Times, is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider's Tales of Library Life, both of which you should buy immediately.

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11 Responses to A Three Way With President Trump? No Thanks.

  1. April 19, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    I too have become a fan of Stormy Daniels. The more I see of her, the more I respect her! (And I have now seen a lot of her too.)

    • April 19, 2018 at 10:11 pm

      I bet you have.

  2. Kelly Siderio
    April 18, 2018 at 8:46 am

    I love her too!

  3. upwalker
    April 17, 2018 at 5:07 pm

    i am a big fan of your essays but i must admit that as soon as i read the words “The Presidential Junk” (“in detail,” no less) i kind of wished i had skipped this one. As Dave knows, an image once imagined can be hard to obliterate. Eeew!

    • April 19, 2018 at 10:12 pm

      Please accept my sincere apologies.

  4. April 17, 2018 at 2:58 pm

    Love the story. Love her. Love you. Just remember, what Stormy does for a living is legal in all fifty states. Wonder if we can say the same about him.

    • April 17, 2018 at 4:43 pm

      If we did, we’d be liars. Just like him.

  5. April 17, 2018 at 2:19 pm

    Honestly, Roz, my worst nightmare is Stormy describing his junk and then he goes crazy and photographs his junk, and photoshops it too! That would create nightmares for ages!!
    b

  6. bill
    April 17, 2018 at 1:56 pm

    Is “doing from” supposed to be “going from”?

    • April 17, 2018 at 9:49 pm

      Yup. Good catch.

  7. Richard Locke
    April 17, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    Poor Dave! Nothing destroys a great erotic fantasy faster than a dose of in the flesh reality. I too recall the whip saw feelings of raw sexual lust…instantly morphing into overwhelming disgust upon realizing that the hot 🔥 sweaty porn I was reading, had been created by my future bride’s college roommate. This coed had been burdened with looks resembling Linda Blair in the later scenes of “The Exorist”, minus the swivelly head and pea soup spew.
    In Dave’s case, his lusty mental bubbles were also shattered by Stormy ‘s real life persona…who turns out to not only be a real person, but a strong, tough, smart, well spoken woman as well. Actually, that’s not all that surprising when one takes the time to consider that the lady has not only survived, for a long time,but has also prospered in an industry that degrades, grinds up, and casts off most of the on screen talent used.
    I seriously doubt her story will have any lasting affect on Trump, but I think she may have done much to raise the awareness that there are real people providing the gist for our fantasies.



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