Know My Limits | HumorOutcasts

Know My Limits

January 2, 2018

Today I am grateful to know my limits.  Which are numerous.  Especially when it comes to anything at all to do with math.  My dad was a whiz at math.  I didn’t get the gene.


But I was pretty excited to get the Spirograph from Himself for Christmas.  It was not something I ever thought I wanted, but the idea of cool designs that I might color later intrigued me.  Give me anything to “waste” time and I’m there.


I waited to take it out of the box because I was thinking about how cool it was going to be when I did.  I would make the designs on the cover and then create my own which would be much cooler than their silly, basic ones.


I read the directions.  Points for me!  I put the goo on the big wheel, pressed it to the paper, turned it like they said to so it stuck tight and then I stopped reading the directions.  I got this, I thought.  So I started messing with the wheels.  And got confused.  Fast.


I think I was pressing too hard.  And forcing the wheel to do things it didn’t want to do, kinda like driving on the expressway.  I didn’t want to stop, but I didn’t exactly want to continue either, but I didn’t throw it at the wall like I do with Monopoly.  Close.


“I really suck at this,” I said to Himself, who was anxiously waiting for my first masterpiece.  I held it up for him to see.


“That’s it?” he asked.  Not quite the glowing exclamation I was hoping for.  And he was right.  “What are you doing wrong?”


“I don’t know!  I hate this thing.  It won’t let me do things my way,” I said.


“That first one looks like you did it your way, alright.”  I didn’t throw it at him.  Don’t I exhibit remarkable restraint sometimes?  Especially when he’s right and we both know it?


“There is math involved, I think.”  I was leafing through the directions again, but not really reading much.  “It talks about angles and stuff.  I don’t do math.  I don’t want math part of my creativity.  I hate math.”  He just looked at me, I’m sure remembering the last time a math question appeared on Jeopardy and I answered “Chocolate Cake”!


“Do you want me to figure it out and then let you know the easiest way to do it?”  Yes, I do.  And then I want you to do up a bunch of them so I can color them.  That is something I understand!  I know my limits!

(To read more of my gratitude missives go to


Mary Mooney

From cranking hair in my Midwestern town of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, to eastern Pennsylvania, to three years writing for large hotels in Jakarta, Indonesia, humor has been my constant.

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One Response to Know My Limits

  1. January 2, 2018 at 3:25 pm

    I share your limitations Mary! Thank goodness I am married to an engineer. makes my life easier!

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