The Case of the Braying Buffoon | HumorOutcasts

The Case of the Braying Buffoon

July 21, 2018
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Days before the Big Cheeto met with Russia’s Top Dog, he told a press gaggle, “There probably won’t be a Perry Mason moment.” POTUS was wrong. His event with Vlad the Repellant had at least one Perry Mason moment.

In “The Case of the Laughing Lady” (1965), Perry and intrepid assistant Della Street search for a killer. Perry’s client recalls hearing a hysterical laugh at the time of the murder for which she is charged. Perry and Della attend a black-tie party with the suspected real killer. Paul Drake, Perry’s detective pal gives Perry a toothpick for his ubiquitous martini. The toothpick features a hidden radio transmitter and microphone in the olive.

I’m guessing when Vlad the Deal Maker met Vlad the Repellant, Putin was wearing a wire. Likely the Moscow Militia has every single word on tape that was said during the so-called Private Meeting between the two. Only the Shadow knows what really happened. Oh, and the translators, and all former KGB agents, and everyone who reads “Pravda.” I doubt if the two brothers of different mothers held hands and watched “The Shawshank Redemption” during their 120-minute afternoon delight.

So, let’s review.

• Days before the Putin meetings, 45 tells us there will probably not be a “Perry Mason” moment.
• In Helsinki, Putin shows up late. (The Orange One now knows how Queen Elizabeth II felt when he and his emigrant wife showed up at Windsor Castle 15 minutes late.)
• The two Vlads have an uncomfortable meet-and-greet in which 45’s body language indicates he is nervous or made a late-night visit to the Taco Bell drive-up.
• The bromance, at least on 45’s part, continues as the two go into executive session with the translators. Putin brings a pen and paper. Drumpf was empty-handed, fortified with only his Very Stable Genius. (Reminiscent of Jethro Bodine on “The Beverly Hillbillies” and his legendary fourth-grade education.)
• The real fun begins when the two leaders (a Superpower and the other from a country with a GDP the size of Texas) host a press conference. One of the “enemies of the people” is dragged out before the presser. Sam Husseini, reporting for “The Nation,” is tossed out by the Russians for holding a sign, “Nuclear Weapon Ban Treaty.”
• Are there words to describe 45’s performance during this ridiculous soiree? Watching POTUS in this setting is like watching the old Pong video game, servers here, servers there, Hillary’s missing e-mails. In “Blazing Saddles,” a character named Gabby Johnson (based on western actor Gabby Hayes) spits out actual gibberish. Does what 45 spits out sound like authentic American gibberish?
• POTUS didn’t approve of the reviews received for the Helsinki summit. Didn’t play well in Peoria or even with friends like Newt Gingrich, that bastion of American morality. Despite having ample opportunity to correct what 45 later dubbed “misstatements” in several on-the-spot interviews, 45 did not clarify for 27 hours. Playing Mad Libs Junior with Sarah Sanders and Melania on the plane trip home tuckered poor 45 out.
• The Tuesday POTUS read from a prepared statement from the White House, looking for all the world like a child coerced into playing “Moonlight Sonata” at a piano recital.
• The Wednesday POTUS was asked if Russia still targets our elections. The Big Cheeto shot out a definitive “no.” At a White House press briefing Sarah Sanders spoke of 45’s intention. Intention? How can we possibly know his intention if 45 doesn’t tell us? What hath the Great Swami of Pennsylvania Avenue wroth?

I amold enough to remember Watergate from start to finish, from the break-in at the Watergate Hotel to Nixon’s iconic wave as he left the White House grounds on a helicopter. At the time, many felt that Richard Nixon destroyed the Presidency and adversely affected our country.

Pondering Watergate with my Wayback Machine, I know now it was not as bad as today’s crisis. Richard Nixon covered-up a small-time burglary. We don’t know what the Special Counsel will report, but indictments and activity so far indicate a problem bigger than a small-time burglary on Democratic HQ.

We also saw our three-pronged government works as the Founders wanted. The Supreme Court decided unanimously in the U.S. versus Nixon that the President must turn over his White House tapes and all other materials subpoenaed. Nixon appointed Warren E. Burger to replace Earl Warren as Chief Justice, and during his time in office appointed three other members of the Supreme Court: Associate Justices Harry Blackmun, Lewis F. Powell, and William Rehnquist. These four men still voted that Nixon must turn over the tapes.

Patriotic Republicans, who put the country above the Presidency, visited Nixon and talked with him about resigning for the good of the country. Nixon resigned the next day and left the White House on August 9, 1974.

America in great peril, and we are led by a braying buffoon who is either the world’s biggest idiot or in bed with our enemy.

Last week, Dan Coats, DNI Director, said the “red lights are blinking” as they did before 9/11. Where are the excellent pols who will demand the truth? POTUS is gaslighting America. Do we apparently have a failure of imagination as we did before 9/11? Do we have a moral failure, where we condemn rhetoric and allow terrible actions? What are we failing to see and understand from this Presidency? What is true?

In “All the President’s Men” the character Deep Throat tells “Washington Post” reporters Woodward and Bernstein to “follow the money.” That is likely from a screenwriter’s imagination for the movie. In the book by the same name, Bob Woodward recalls telling Sen. Sam Erwin, “The key was the secret campaign cash, and it should all be traced.”

Follow the money!

Do the Russians have anything on Trump or his family? 45’s approval ratings stay up, and his true believers seem more locked in than ever before. Reuters reported July 18 new polling data that 71% of Republicans support the President. The tracking poll notes that these Republicans believe our President is doing nothing wrong.

If there’s a “pee-pee” tape, I’m sure most Republicans wouldn’t care. After all, these are the same people who ignored the “grab-em-by-the-p***y” comments for “Access Hollywood.” 45 once said that he could walk down 5th Avenue and shoot someone and his supporters will still be there for him.

If the Russians can hack into the DNC, is the power grid next? Our country is not a 60-minute television drama with a clear-cut ending where the guilty party jumps up in court and admits his guilt.

-30-

Amy Abbott

Abbott is syndicated on Senior Wire News Service and writes for newspapers and magazines. She's the author of multiple books, and is currently featured in "Laugh Out Loud," the first anthology of the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop.

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