Throw in the Towel: The Path to Enlightenment | HumorOutcasts

Throw in the Towel: The Path to Enlightenment

March 7, 2018

Throw in the towel

You know the expression “to throw in the towel”- meaning to give up? Well, I am trying the opposite. I’m turning to towels, dishtowels to be specific, for inspiration and wisdom.

Maybe it is the challenging times we live in. The nation seems more divided than ever. We’re all still scared about a possible war with North Korea. And I personally feel adrift, desperately trying to figure out what to give my sister-in-law for her birthday this year.

So, you can imagine my delight the other day when birthday gift shopping online, I found inspiration, indeed true enlightenment in … of all things … a line of kitchen towels.

Now I promise—I’m not getting kickbacks from the company, but I have to tell you that this slogan-based line of linens warmed my troubled soul. For example, who among us can challenge the wisdom of this?

kitchen towel


Amen to that is all I can say. Am I right, ladies? I strongly urge all members of the clergy to include this dishtowel in their pre-marital as well as couples-in-crisis counseling. Parents and friends of couples-soon–to-be-united, I likewise urge you to gift them with this wisely worded wipe.

Think how much heartache will be avoided Arguments prevented. Nights not spent on the couch. Divorces avoided and divorce lawyers not enriched. Think about it and shop now. Buy in bulk. And don’t forget the added benefit, all those dishes and pots that will be dry and shiny!

And this dishtowel line doesn’t just dispense guidance for couples, there’s also sage advice for us middle-aged muddlers. Two toweled sayings in particular resonate deeply with me.

No. 1:

dish towel

And No. 2:

Sometimes I open my mouth
my Mother comes out.


Now, of course, buying dishtowels as gifts is decidedly a middle-aged kind of thing to do, agreed? When we were younger, I never ever would have thought of buying somebody towels as a gift—even as a wedding gift. Yuck. How practical. How boring. But now, middle-aged and in need of refreshed, good linens and somewhat too cheap to buy them myself, I would welcome such a gift from a caring girlfriend.

And I know for a fact that I am not alone in this guilty kitchen towel pleasure. A friend frequently travels to France for work. She thinks the French have the best dishtowels in the world and she buys some each trip there. Ah, gay Paree! How can you keep them down on the farm … and at Walmart after they’ve towel shopped in the City of Lights!

Whether you imbibe or not, you might identify with the sentiment of this towel (just substitute the word “bottle” for “bag” and “wine” for “potato chips”):

They say that moms
placed in life or death
situations with their children
develop super-human strength
Last night during a tantrum I uncorked
a bottle (bag) of wine (potato chips) with my teeth.

And for the perpetual dieter in your life, here’s a good one:

towel 3

And finally, here’s my personal favorite:

crown towel


And (sigh) with those words of toweled wisdom and wit, I must close, reality invades. It’s time to return to the kitchen and yes, wash and dry the dishes. Now where did I put those dish towels?


Kitchen towels: Second Nature by Hand.

Karen Galatz

A former newspaper and television journalist, my national news credentials include the MacNeil/Lehrer NewsHour and the Nightly Business Report. I created, produced, and anchored a ground-breaking business news broadcast for PBS stations in Nevada, an effort that led to an Edward R. Murrow award and an Emmy nomination. Now based in Berkeley, Ca., I am writing a collection of short stories and personal essays. I am the author of Muddling through Middle Age, a weekly humor blog, recently featured on the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop website.

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4 Responses to Throw in the Towel: The Path to Enlightenment

  1. March 9, 2018 at 1:11 am

    You’ve inspired me: I’m going to buy a new dish towel!

    • March 10, 2018 at 11:54 am

      My mission is done! You are enlightened! Or at least newly linen-ed!

  2. March 8, 2018 at 7:58 am

    I have to say the new dishtowel philosophy movement does crack me up!

    • March 10, 2018 at 11:55 am

      Next we need to start a line of doggie towels … or am I behind the times? Do they have them already? They must!

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