Don’t Cough So Close to Me

The coronavirus outbreak is a serious, deadly thing, and it should be taken seriously. All the more reason to have fun with it … because if you can’t laugh, the virus has already won.

So this is sung to the tune, naturally, of Don’t Stand So Close to Me, by the Police. Fire up your karaoke machine:


They’re sneezing, in public

People stay clear of me

They’re coughing so badly

Know where I want to be


Inside there’s no virus

Feels like I’m in a cage

Book reading, show watching

My kids here make me age


Don’t stand so, don’t stand so

Don’t stand so close to me

That virus ain’t stopping

I’m social distancing


Get calls from the fellas

They haven’t got it yet

They think it won’t get them

I wouldn’t make that bet


Outside is, temptation

But it could make us die

I’m out of crap paper

Newsprint won’t get me dry


Don’t stand so, don’t stand so

Don’t cough so close to me

Don’t sneeze so, don’t breath so

Don’t be so close to me


Washing for so long now

Perfecting elbow bumps

Don’t blow your crap on me

Stay home and take your lumps


It’s no use, this virus

Will make me sweat and cough

You might be infected

 I’m begging you, back off


Don’t sweat so close to me

Please … don’t spread so close to me …

“Don’t pet me! You can never be too sure.”
“I told you not to go to Wal-Mart!”
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