Shelter in place is still the order of the day in many places. Social distancing is the medically recommended norm when outside. Now, for marital harmony, I support a directive mandating social distancing for spouses INSIDE the home.
Yes, with all this time together at home, things are getting a little too close for comfort. Even the happily married agree there’s only so much togetherness a couple can stand!
Here in the San Francisco Bay, the shelter at home order was issued in mid-March. That seems forever ago. And all I can say is living the non-stop, up close and personal La Vida Loca with Handsome Hubby is driving me loca. (And in all fairness, he says — well, mutters under his breath — the same thing about me.)
We eat together ALL THE TIME.
We watch HIS (dopey crime caper) TV shows EVERY NIGHT.
And we eat HIS vegan food at EVERY MEAL.
PLUS I listen to him talk LOUDLY into his headset to clients ALL DAY LONG.
Social Distancing for Spouses
In the good old days, HH traveled too much for work, meeting clients all across the country and world, giving speeches, and attending conferences. Although I complained about it, his travel provided quality “me” time. I regularly caught up on “my” TV shows. I went to sensitive, subtitled foreign films. And most wonderful of all, I dined with my girlfriends and eat red meat to my belly’s content. Oh, sweet, not-sheltering-at-home freedom!
Now the backlog of TV shows I yearn to watch is so long, I’ve forgotten what’s who’s done what to whom. “How long?” you ask. I don’t even know how This is Us ended for the season! Did battling brothers Kevin and Randall have a relationship-ending fight? As the baby sister to three brothers, this idea is devastating. But don’t tell me! I’m thinking of spiking HH’s dinnertime lemonade with a sleeping pill, so I can watch the season finale.
And, as for my red meat cravings? Well, I’m beginning to understand how the Donner Party felt traversing the Sierra Mountains in the dead of winter. Sometimes when HH sleeps, I eye him and … Oh, let’s not go there.
And That’s Not All
In addition to my grievances over the lengthy list of things we do HH’s way ALL THE TIME, I have a list of tasks he NEVER performs. For example, he NEVER:
- Empties the trash cans in the bathroom, bedroom, or office.
- Empties the little vase of flowers I put on his desk, even after the flowers have died.
In addition, he NEVER …
Give me a second to think.
He NEVER …
Wait … Just another second.
He NEVER …
Well, huh. That’s it. That’s my entire list of grievances — two measly gripes!
After 33 years of marriage — plus five years of dating — plus months of sheltering-in-place, that’s the sum total of my grievances. That’s it.
My Forever Shelter
As for my alleged “flaws?” Oh, they’re scarcely worth mentioning. Do I nag? Perhaps. But rarely and only about the damned trash cans. As for my “occasional” tendency to make snarky comments … Well, only when forced to watch back-to-back episodes of NCIS, NCIS LA, and Seal Team. Ladies, can you blame me? Do I whine? Well, yes. I admit to that “crime.” I whine loudly about wanting steak and burgers. But only at lunch and dinnertime!
So, as you can see, aside from a few hiccups here and there, we’re living in perfect sheltering-in-place harmony. In fact, we’re busy making plans for post-pandemic vacations. We haven’t finalized anything yet. Only one thing is certain — He’s going South and I’m heading North!