As Stocks Decline, Officials Limit Catch of Swedish Fish

HALLEVIKS HAMN, Sweden.  It is early morning in this historical port which, as the locals say, “Is a quaint drinking village with a fishing problem,” and Gunnar Liedholm is nursing a hangover that he says “is my worst ever.”  “I feel like Sonja Henie,” the Norwegian figure skater of the 1940s, “is doing figure eights on my head,” he says to this reporter as he closes his eyes and takes in fresh salt air from the bow of the S.S. Peter Forsberg as it heads out to sea.  “I find life depressing right now.”

The cause of Liedholm’s heavy drinking these days is strict limits imposed by his country’s Environmental Protection Agency on the catch he and his crew can haul in each day of Swedish Fish, the gummy, fruit-flavored candy developed in the 1950s that has become popular around the world.  “My father, he catch Swedish fish, my grandfather before him,” Liedholm says.  “Why must I go home at the end of the day with my boat half full all because bratty teenagers like Greta Thunberg say the world will end unless we do what they say?”

“Swedish Fish” are a colorful, chewy candy containing sugar, corn syrup, citric acid, carnauba wax, red, yellow and blue dyes, and belly button lint.  They are known for their waxy texture and long shelf life, and traces of the “pastellfiskar” have been found between the teeth and gums of wooly mammoth fossils.  “We owe our existence to extinct species with a sweet tooth,” says anthropolgist Henrik Alfredsson.  “They had so many delectable humans to eat, it is a good thing they spoiled their dinner by snacking on candy.”

The new limits on catch were put in place earlier this month when marine confectioners noticed a sharp drop-off in schools of the candy in the Gulf of Bothnia after Halloween.  “We owe it to future generations to preserve and replenish our fish stocks,” says Ulf Berglund, a Deputy Assistant Under-Minister of Remote Contingencies.  “I myself like Black Crows, but some people prefer artificial seafood.”

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