After nearly five years of research, a team of scientists at Duke University has isolated the allele that causes a subgroup of human beings to believe that Donald Trump speaks the truth.
According to Professor Leonard Sterns-McDuck, the allele — dubbed 713R by the team — attaches itself to the fourth chromosome in one’s DNA chain, and proceeds to disable the functioning of the brain’s frontal lobe over a period of several months.
“The frontal lobe controls our ability to think logically,” says Sterns-McDuck. “Mess with the frontal lobe, and you end up with someone who has the IQ of a low-end paramecium.
“If we understood what caused the mutation in the first place, we might be able to do something about it. But right now it’s a mystery. It’s like trying to figure out what possesses a teenage girl to wear a titanium nostril hoop that’s the size of a Tibetan yak nose-ring. Sure, she looks at herself in the mirror and thinks, ‘yep, THIS is attractive’. But WHY???”
“Perhaps we’ll never know.”