Reasons Putin Gives For Amassing 100,000 Russian Troops On Ukrainian Border

Ukrainian Vodka is cheaper at border shops than Russian vodka.

Ukrainian girls aren’t as frigid as Russian ones (both romantically and figuratively.)

In the winter a really nice, warm breeze comes in from the Black Sea.

The parties in Ukraine are a blast!

It is much easier to pick up the cool radio station signals the further west you go.

Statements from Russian solders at the Ukrainian front:

“I was told I was signing up for a free vacation on the coast!”

“Putin said if we can fight all the way to Kiev we get cheap apartment with two bedrooms.”

“It ain’t Paris, but is the closest we’ll ever get.”

“The lawyers wanting my child support won’t come all this way.”

“I have 10 kids back home. Getting shot at is less stressful.”

“The girls in my hometown look like potatoes. The ones here look like Goddesses.”

“I was told it doesn’t snow here. They lied.”

“My wife is so ugly I would rather look at ugly soldiers.”

“Someone said if we get close to Chernobyl we will get super-human powers like Marvel superheroes!”

“On February 14 there is no moon and we are all going to make a run for Germany!”

“My ex-wife will never find me here.”


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