Russian Soldiers Emerging from Ukrainian Toilets “Do Not Represent an Invasion,” Claims Putin

Russian President Vladimir Putin is vigorously denying rumors that the 5,ooo Russian troops that surfaced yesterday in toilets throughout Kiev were the first wave of a military strike against Ukraine. 

“It was just a routine army exercise in response to reports that American tourists were smoking marijuana in the city’s sewer system,” says Putin.  “No need for the good citizens of Kiev to get their panties all in a bunch.” 

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