Meatball Soup and Missing Planets

Colombian Soup

(Sopa de Albóndigas)


2 garlic cloves
1 green onion
¼ cup minced yellow onion
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
¾ pound ground beef
⅓ pound ground pork
½ cup bread crumbs
2 eggs
½ teaspoon cumin
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
6½ cups beef broth
¼ cup fresh cilantro.

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.


Mince garlic cloves, green onion, and yellow onion. Add yellow onion and 2 tablespoons vegetable oil to pan. Sauté at medium heat for 5 minutes or until yellow onion softens. Add sautéed yellow onion and all other ingredients except beef broth and cilantro to mixing bowl. Use hands to make 16 meatballs. Add beef broth and meatballs to large pot. Bring to boil at medium-high heat. Stir occasionally. Lower heat to medium. Simmer for 20 minutes or until meatballs float and are no longer pink inside. Dice cilantro. Garnish soup with cilantro. Goes well with rice.


1) The four meatballs in the above photo are actual planets and asteroids. The planets are Neptune and Pluto, and X3B-17A way beyond the Solar System. Wasn’t Neptune rather big to fit into a soup bowl? Yes, it was. However, it was gaseous giant, that was condensed into a bowl-sized solid planet. Aren’t these celestial orbs rather heavy? Yes, they are. However, hunger and this soup’s wonderful aroma makes us strong. Life’s been rather unkind to Pluto, hasn’t it? Yes, it has. But it’s been rather sad since it lost its full planetary status and has done nothing but orbit morosely around the Sun ever since. We’re really doing it a kindness by eating it.

2) Won’t people miss seeing all heavenly bodies? No for the asteroids, there are too many to notice. X3B-17A is too far away to see. Certainly, people will notice the disappearance of Neptune, but it takes 4 hours for us light to reach us. That’s plenty of time to make this soup and dispose of the evidence, by eating it, before anyone notices. These meatballs are made mostly out of beef and pork. Does this give credence that the universe is made primarily of beef and pork? Yes, it does.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.


Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on


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