1000th Post in a Row – Peanut Butter Armageddon

Simply squeeze

Sometimes humanity does great things such as landing a man on the moon, building the Panama Canal, or making laptops. These projects helped us all immensely and caused us to swell with pride.

Then there’s squeezable peanut butter. I mean, how hard is it to scoop peanut butter and spread it on a slice of bread? The simple amoeba could almost do it. All we’d have to do is make a knife small enough for it to grasp.

As of press time, aircraft carriers, necessary for our national defense, still cost a pretty penny. So, we don’t build many of them. Machines vital to the success of surgeries remain in short supply.


Because we’re devoting much of our brain power and funds to making spreadable peanut butter. So, nations will compete for scarcer and scarcer non-PB resources. Tensions will rise. Armies will mobilize.

Run for the hills, the Peanut Butter Armageddon is coming.


– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.


Check out my novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback.

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