Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Teri Hatcher using a dating app, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Teri Hatcher was kicked off dating app after profile was deemed fake
Not only wasn’t it fake, it was spectacular!
$364 million verdict in Trump’s civil fraud trial
To pay for it, Mexico has begun to pass the sombrero.
Swedish minister reaffirms willingness to send jets to Ukraine after finalizing NATO bid
Although, Ukraine will have to use their own IKEA tools and instructions to put them together.
Former FBI informant charged with lying about the Bidens’ role in Ukraine business
So, Hunter didn’t sell out his country and got to party and bang hookers, damn!
TikTok says a foot bath can help ease migraine attacks
Or, you can just turn off TikTok.
Macy’s announces job cuts
Then, who’s the salesperson going to talk to instead of helping me …?
Super Bowl LVIII sets ratings record with a staggering 123.4 million viewers, TV’s biggest audience since the moon landing
And according to low IQanons, both were staged.
Happy 62nd Birthday to Axl Rose
It probably occurred a couple of days ago, but he just showed up now.
Tom Suozzi easily defeats Mazi Pilip for the George Santos seat
Santos says, “no big deal;” it’ll allow him more time to be a Supreme Court Justice.
It’s time for NBA All Star weekend
Or, as the Kardashian’s call it ‘Tinder.’
Rachel Dolezal OnlyFans report reminds everyone she has an Onlyfans
… Wouldn’t she be better off on OnlyTans?
Costco announces Valentine’s Day sale
Anyone want to go in with me on 900 pounds of Chocolate and 1,500 Roses…?
Four mummified monkeys seized from passenger’s luggage at Boston Logan Airport
… Damn, that must’ve been toughest on Mikey Dolenz, who’s still alive!
Eric Trump says Donald “built the skyline of New York City.”
… He meant bilked …