Donald Trump went to his happy place.
“A lot of people ask me, they say, sir, why are you now doing multiple rallies in the same state instead of leaving us alone and infecting someone else with your hatred and lies? It’s a good question, Marjorie and it shows you have been paying attention. It’s a great question. It’s really to do with the tiny turnout at my rallies. Between fewer and fewerer people turning up and trying to stop those that do turn up from leaving early or falling asleep with boredom, I came up with a new strategy. Because I have such a beautiful voice, I decided to complain about the same things I usually complain about but in more places. So, for eggs sample, if I have 100 people at a rally and 20 people leave and another 20 fall asleep with boredom, that means 50 people don’t get to hear their favorite king complain about Elekshun Infeterence and that’s just not fair on those people. If I turn up around the corner, those same 50 people might show up to hear the lies there. They’re welcome. A lot of people ask me, they say, sir, do you see yourself as The Emperor from Star Trek? It’s true. What an amazing question, Marjorie. I am a big Trekkie even though Mark Hamill does not like me but that’s ok. Star Trek is my favorite Stephen King poem. So in summary, I’m a big Trekkie so use the force and vote for Trump. Look, there’s a fly. Look how it flies, with wings. It’s in the air, flying like a plane without an engine. I wonder if Trump Flies are a thing yet. If not, they should be. Fly away my fly, fly away. There it goes, flying away, the way flies do, in the sky, like a plane without an engine. Flying in the wind as the wind takes it away in the sky. Bye bye lovely fly, bye bye as the wind takes you high up in the sky like a plane without an engine. Did anyone else see that fly, high up in the sky or was it just me? I’m nearly sure it was real but then again, who knows at this stage? A lot of people ask me, they say, sir, do you believe Marjorie Taylor Greene’s latest brain fart? The one where she claims the Democrats can control the weather? It’s an amazing question, Marjorie. I have the best amazings. Did anyone else see that fly, the way it was flying in the sky, like plane without an engine? It was flying the way flies fly, high in the sky, with wings, in the air. Bye bye lovely fly, flying high in the sky, like a plane without an engine in the sky, higher than high as you fly in the wind in the sky, sky high. The price of everything is sky high these days. Vote for me and I promise to lower the cost of everyday items like private planes and golf courses. I can see quite a few bored people out there. In a moment, money is going to fall from the sky but you will only see it if you stay awake and don’t fall asleep. It’s true. So try not to fall asleep. I will only be speaking for the next 5-7 hours. Not too long ago, there was a fly, flying away, the way flies do, in the sky, like a plane without an engine. I remember it so well, like it was only yesterday. It was flying the way flies fly, high in the sky, with wings, in the air, higher than high without an engine. I said, bye bye little fly, flying high in the sky like a plane without an engine so high, as you fly in the wind without a license. Vote for me and I will put tariffs on the air. I can’t believe they are calling us weird. JD might be wired but he is not weird. I watched a documentary about him in a donut shop and there was nothing weird about it at all. He was laid back and knew how to talk to the terrified donut shop worker person. It wasn’t creepy at all. We are in discussions with Fox News to turn it into a 96 part series. Can we get serious for a moment and talk about the fly, how it flies in the sky, like a plane without an engine? High in the sky, with wings, in the air, flying the way flies fly. Bye bye lovely fly. May you fly high in the sky, like a plane without an engine, higher than high, flying like a fly, high in the sky. If you look up high, you might see cash fall from the sky so don’ fall sleep. I’m not saying there definitely will be cash coming from the sky but I’m also not saying it’s not going to happen. Just don’t fall asleep in case it does happen. I see a lot of people leaving, why are you all leaving? I haven’t even started my speech about race. If you leave now, you will not hear it. I’m going to change my name to Martin Luther King so if you want to be able to say you were there when Martin Luther King gave a speech, get back in your seat NOW. OMG, I just thought of something. What if the illegal alians in Springfield who eat the cats and dogs and then turn into cats and dogs, throw windmills at the sky and hit the fly as it flies so high in the sky, like a plane without an engine? In the air, dodging the windmills in the sky that are thrown by the illegal alians in Springfield who ate the cats and dogs and then turned into cats and dogs. The flies fly with wings in the sky, so high as they navigate the sky, dodging the windmills in the sky that are thrown by the illegal alians in Springfield who ate the cats and dogs and then turned into cats and dogs. Bye bye my beautiful fly as you fly in the sky, like a windmill without an engine. Tariffs are the engine of the economy. When I become king again, I will open that book that has all the explanations of words and randomly put tariffs on anything and everything. I AM THE TARIFF KING. What sound does a pig make? Oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, windmills. oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, elekshun infeterence, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, fly, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, oink oink, moo. If you receive an email claiming to come from me, make sure it has really come from me. I have the best me. If I am asking for money in the email or if there is something like orange make up with the Trump name on it, asking you to buy it, it’s a legitimate email. It is not legal for dead people to vote, it’s true. Don’t let them tell you it is. You should ignore all of the dead people. I started ignoring the dead people in April and have never been more mentally stable. JD calls me the mentally stable genius even when I don’t tell him to do it. Horses come from stables. Stables sound like tables. I was married to Marla Staples. The stories Alina reads to me at night are fables. WikiLeaks likes cables. I have never once admitted I was wrong, I’m simply unable. I’m unable to stop thinking about the fly, how it flies in the sky, like a plane without an engine. We should all sing a song. I’ll start and you join in…
Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly away
If you could use some exotic booze
There’s a bar in far Bombay
Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly away
Come fly with me, let’s float down to Peru
In llama-land there’s a one-man band
And he’ll toot his flute for you
Come on fly with me, let’s take off in the blue
Once I get you up there
Where the air is rarefied
We’ll just glide
Starry-eyed
Once I get you up there
I’ll be holding you so near
You may hear
Angels cheer, ’cause we’re together
Weather-wise, it’s such a lovely day
Just say the words and we’ll beat the birds
Down to Acapulco Bay
It is perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say
Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly away
Once I get you up there
Where the air is rarefied
We’ll just glide
Starry-eyed
Once I get you up there
I’ll be holding you so near
You may hear
Angels cheer, ’cause we’re together
Weather-wise, it’s such a lovely day
You just say the words, and we’ll beat the birds
Down to Ac-apulco Bay
It is perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say
Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly
Pack up, let’s fly away
A lot of people ask me they say sir, is it true that Kamala Hariss is trying to get Hannibal Lecter to endorse her. Great question, Marjorie. It’s so true. He wants to have Clarice over for dinner and then Michael Douglas gets out of his car with his briefcase in hand and loses the plot and then Marty McFly is in trouble because Doc Brown can’t find the special fuel to put in the shiny car that Leon Musk didn’t build and then the big bad wolf blows the house down and then Roy Cohn teaches me to never admit I’m wrong. I hope that answers your question, Marjorie. Can we question the fly, how it flies so high in the sky without the Democrats help? Has anyone heard of Barack Obama? He endorsed me. Kamala Harris endorsed me. Hanibal Lecter endorsed me before he had Clarice over for dinner. Michael Jackson endorsed me. JD endorsed me. Mr. Date Ah from Star Wars endorsed me. Leon Musk endorsed me and offered $47 to anyone who votes for me. It’s true. Leon must have had some amazing LEGO sets when he was younger. Frank Sinatra endorsed me. Joe Biden endorsed me. Taylor Swift endorsed me. Viktor Orban endorsed me. Vladimir Putin endorsed me and sent me a picture of him on a horse. I endorsed me multiple times because I am multiple times better than everyone else. The Fellowship of The Ring endorsed me. Windmills endorsed me but I don’t endorse them. Windmills in Australia are upside down. Has anyone else ever figured that out? I am the first person to realize that. My brain is superior like the lake. If you go to Australia and I don’t know why you would because it’s not in America and you put a windmill in front of a mirror, it rains. It’s because Australia is not in America so I don’t know why anyone would want to go there but that’s why mirrors are illegal in Australia. It’s because Australia is not in America so I don’t know why anyone would want to go there. Australia is a cesspool that is worse than Detroit. The only reason anyone would go to Detroit is if they didn’t want to go to Australia because it’s not in America and if you put an upside down windmill in front of a mirror, it rains until it stops and it never stops. Every Sunday, I push custard up a hill with a fork. Oh and before I forget because I forget a lot these days, I am innocent. It’s true. I am innocent of anything and everything they accuse me of, in the future. You never heard me say this before but it’s elekshun infeterence. It’s the greatest elekshun infeterence since the last greatest elekshun infeterence and the greatest elekshun infeterence after that. A lot of people ask me, they say, sir, how come everything that happens to you is “the greatest” and that’s the greatest question that’s ever been asked by Marjorie. I am just better than you and it’s as simple as that. A very famous boxer used to say “I am the greatest”. I can’t remember his name because it doesn’t sound like an American name and he wasn’t white or Oompa Loompa color so I probably shouldn’t like him but I did like him. I’m not supposed to tell you that because it alianates my base who love the hatred so much. I have the greatest hatred. A lot of people ask me, they say, sir, are you mentally and physically fit to be the next king? That is a great question, Marjorie. That’s one of your best yet. My body is in peak physical condition. They tell me I am 78 and have the body of a 77 year old who is in the body of Tom Cruise when he was in the first Top Gun documentary. So, shaken but not stirred as Tom says. Will we sing another song or take another question? OK, we’ll do another question. A lot of people ask me, they say, sir what do you think of the modern technology. Great question, Marjorie. Trump loves the modern technology. I am a big fan of the Sony Walkman. Sony is a beautiful American company. You can discreetly record peoples conversations on cassette and listen back on the Sony Walkman and they are only for men which I really like. There are no Sony Walkwomen and that’s the way it should be. Thank you very much. Orange is the new black”.
To be cont…
He is a man of convictions—
34 of them so far.
And more Stormy weathers ahead.