What I’m Giving Up For Lent

I am giving up lutefisk and mushrooms for Lent.

I have foresworn lutefisk and mushrooms every Lenten season.

I have never failed my vow. I have never yielded to temptation.

Perhaps Sir Lancelot in the musical Camelot said it best,

“I’ve never strayed from all I believe.
“I’m blessed with an iron will.
“If I had been made the partner of Eve
“We’d be in Eden still.”

Sad to say, Lancelot fell in love with his king and best friend’s wife. They made whopee for a fair bit. Then they were discovered. Rather than admit his shame, beg foregiveness, and leave his illicit love behind, Lancelot ran off with Guenevere to his castle. The king followed the fallen knight where he recaputered his queen, Guevere.

It should have ended there,  but Lancelot and his men in armor sortied out of the castle, attacked the king’s men and recaptured Lady G. As the musical Camelot says,

“By the score fell the dead
“As the yard turned to red.
“Countless numbers felt his spear
“As he rescued Guenevere.”

King Arthur lost so much prestige from this bloody clash that his son Mordred launched a civil war against Arthur. So many valiant men died on both sides that there could be no authority to command any allegiance. England descended into a Dark Age that would last until the advent of Cadbury’s chocolate the Full English Breakfast.

So, it’s safe to say that the renowned knight of the Round Table didn’t really keep any vow, much less a Lenten one.

I, however, have. Go me.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.