Top Things Heard During our Road Trip
My family survived its first road trip, and I recorded these bon mots along the way. • Stop doing that or I’ll take the bacon away! – Terry • It doesn’t look like we’re […]
Author: Terry Wellman
Texas-born, Terry now lives in Orange County, CA, where he is on a first name basis with Harry Hamlin's eyebrows, which often babysit his two sons. When not working as a much sought after hand and foot model, Terry is working on his memoirs from his time as landscaper to the stars, "You'll Never Mow and Blow in this Town Again."
If Bitter Ex-Girlfriends Wrote the Messages on Urinal Screens
For those of you who might not know, urinal screens are plastic screens found in men’s restroom that cover the holes in urinal to prevent larger things from being flushed down urinals. I assume […]
Handwritten Text of the Gettysburg Address Converted by Adobe’s OCR Text Recognition
Foreskin and seven years ago out Fatters brought fart ON THIS incontinent A newt nation conceived conceived (out of wedlock HA!) in luberty and deficated TO THE prostitution THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. hOW […]
Santa Claus Answers the Proust Questionnaire
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? December 26th, some Preparation H, and a 12-year old scotch. 2. What is your greatest fear? Amazon.com 3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? […]
An AA Meeting at the North Pole
“Hello. My name is Fred, an Elf on the Shelf, and I’m an alcoholic.” The group responds in its customary way. “I am getting close to 90 days sober.” The group claps. “The past 90 […]
25 Random Things About Jesus, Lion of the Tribe of Judah
Evidently this meme has been around longer than we thought. The below is a translation from one of the many scrolls discovered in 1973 by two incredibly lost and epicly stoned Grateful Dead fans when […]
Curious George Meets the 21st Century
We all grew up with children’s story books that used cute anthropomorphic characters and bright colors to impart cautionary advice or morality tales. One of the most beloved of these characters is Curious George, the […]
Modern-Day Emily Dickinson Penning her “Hope” Poem at Different Stages in Her Life
“Hope” may be thing with feathers, but a modern-day Emily Dickinson has a lot more on her mind than just staring out her window looking at birds. I. In high school bemoaning a,like, ginormous zit: […]
A Momentous Day in Millinery History
A stillness came over the audience, for stillness was one of their only options. It was standing room only, and a shrugging of the shoulders or a twitching of a tail from a Thwerl or […]