The Final Bastion of Manhood Falls….

Tor Constantino
Fashion-inspired duct tape???

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a bit of a “Toy Whisperer.” I mean, if I had a superpower it would be knowing the perfect toy for  each kid.

Birthdays, holidays, elementary school graduations – I nail it every time, for both boys and girls.

For my daughters, I’ve well versed in the X-chromosome language of Polly Pockets, Squinkies and Orbeez.

It’s a gift, actually.

Yet it can also be a heavy burden. Periodically, I’ll sneak a traditionally boyish toy into the girl’s playtime arsenal – Lincoln Logs, building Legos, Hot Wheels. It’s my way of creating balance and harmony within their toydom universe.

Unfortunately, I sense a disturbance in this stasis.

It’s a genius idea from a marketing perspective but it makes my inner caveman want to cry.

[NOTE: When I say “cry,” I don’t mean as if I was watching the movie The Notebook or anything, but more like the native American Iron Eyes Cody from the pollution PSAs of the 1970s – I want to cry that way].

Honestly, I’m not very handy. I have three tools in my tool box – a screw, a hammer (I think that’s what it’s called) and a silver roll of duct tape. By far, duct tape is my preferred tool of choice regardless of the job.

I’m not alone.

It’s been used to literally set bones on the battle field for our soldiers;  it’s patched white water rafts while traversing class 5 rapids; it’s even been used on the Space Shuttle! Those are elemental, manly-type endeavors akin to discovering fire, cancer-causing-charcoal grilling and illegal old-school spiky yard Jarts.

For me Duct Tape represents more than a silvery circle of infinity as an ultra-sticky solution to an infinite array of problems – it’s part of the societal foundation.

In fact, modern American society may very well be held together by duct tape – I know it’s not the politicians.

Alas, this binding loop of silver stuckery has been relegated to flower petals, quasi-slippers [see photos] and art bins across this great land.

If only duct tape could fix my cracking heart (sigh).

Question: What’s the craziest way you’ve used duct tape?

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12 thoughts on “The Final Bastion of Manhood Falls….”

  1. I used Gorilla Tape to patch up the vinyl curtain that hangs on my bathroom window. In her zeal to get to the window, my cat tore big strips of it. It doesn’t look very good, but it works.

    1. OMG! He was Italian. I don’t get this. As a Blonde and blue eyed Italian I am a bit jealous. The dark Italians get all the good parts. They couldn’t find a Native American to do the commercial? HA HA But he did do a good job, I guess.

      1. He was Italian, but he always played Native Americans in the movies, and he was a member of one of the Native American tribes, so he identified himself with them. I think he was from New Orleans originally.

      2. I’ll speak on behalf of all pisans when I say we tend to be an emotional, passionate bunch so I’m not surprised he could gin up some tears….

    2. I have never heard that – thanks for the education! As an Italian-American (Salvatore Constantino) now I have another role model to look up to in addition to the inventor of the radio – Guglielmo Marconi.

  3. I too love duct tape. I love the new colors and new patterns. They feminized it and made it a decoration for my broken sandal. Until I find another pair as comfortable, I will have various patterns of tape keeping my shoe together.

    1. BTW, I remember that pollution commercial. He was rowing the river and all this trash was in his way. Man, he made white people look really, really bad as if they needed a nudge in that direction.

      1. Ironically, that PSA made an indelible impression upon me as a kid – along with promos from Smokey Bear and Woodsy the Owl (Give a hoot, don’t pollute). I wonder who would win in a PSA-celebrity death match among Iron Eyes, Smokey and Woodsy? Hmmmm….sounds like the makings of a provocative blog post perhaps.

    2. Indeed! The Duck Brand of duct tape takes it farther and holds a contest each year for the best prom outfit made entirely out of the sticky stuff! It’s the only thing my youngest wanted for her birthday two weeks – as many different patterns as we could find! It really is ingenious what the marketers have done.

      1. I Have seen pictures of the prom outfits made from Duck Tape; they are very creative! But I would think they would be hot; Duck tape is not well-ventilated!

        I have actually used duct tape on my air conditioning duct work! I think this is quite rare and novel.

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