Dear Auto-Correct,

Lisa Newlin
photo credit: a.drian via photopin cc
photo credit: a.drian via photopin cc

Dear Auto-Correct,

I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to let you know the way the kids are doing it these days.  I’m going to write it on the interwebs.

No, please don’t try to guess what I’m going to say; that’s kind of the problem.  You always try to finish my thoughts and sentences and it’s getting a little annoying.

Do you think I don’t know what I want to say?  I know myself fairly well and I know what I want.  I’m independent that way (or as you try to put it “node orbs”).

You’re too needy.  I don’t like how you hang on my every word…and then change them.

You don’t know me best, despite your large vocabulary.  Trying to guess what I’m going to say before I say it really stresses me out.

No, it doesn’t tress me out.  Why would I say I’m tresses out?  Why would you change it to tresses?  Don’t you know that making that change in itself tresses me out?

Of course you don’t, because you’re a know-it-all.  You think you know everything I’m thinking before I say it.  Sometimes you’re wrong.

photo credit: TerranceDC via photopin cc
photo credit: TerranceDC via photopin cc

As long as we’re on this topic,  are you trying to send me subliminal messages about my weight?  Sometimes I try to talk about my friends but you change “friends” to “fitness.”

Not cool, AC, not cool at all.

I don’t want to have to do this, but we may have to disconnect.  I may just have to turn you off.

I don’t want to do that, but it might come to that.

Unless…well…I’ll give you one more chance, but you’ve got to change your ways.

You need to realize you don’t know everything, and sometimes I just want to say what I want, how I want.

You need to stop being so needy.  Sometimes, I don’t want you to fix it. Sometimes I just want you to listen and fix me a drink instead.

Love,

Lisa

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18 thoughts on “Dear Auto-Correct,”

  1. Hey, Pizza
    Another grape post! I done knot how IOU cab brute every day and stay so consistently rummy! kelp up tar wood work!

    1. STOP IT! You made me laugh out loud with this comment! And is it sad I totally could understand everything you wrote?

      Yeah, it’s pretty sad. Thanks for reading and commenting!

    1. I couldn’t agree more. Maybe Auto-correct is an abuser who enjoys putting us down to make himself look good? I think we just nailed it!

    1. Thanks for commenting! I also think Auto-Correct must be stopped. He is just too cocky and needs to be brought down a notch or two. We should all unite against him!

  4. The most challenging thing I find with AC is swear words – it’s probably good to be honest that it doesn’t let you swear, because either:
    1) You stop swearing in your texts, or;
    2) You add the swear word into the smartphones dictionary, and then it happily suggests the swear word whenever your parents attempt to use your phone to send a text

    Nice!

    1. I am DEFINITELY not going to stop swearing in my texts! I’ll just take a very important lesson from your unfortunate experience and never let my parents use my phone to text.

      That seems a lot easier than having to change duck and ship. I’m lazy that way.

      Thanks for the life lesson about AC and allowing parents to use your phone. 🙂

    1. I do the same thing, and I never read it before I send it. I then almost always have to send a follow up text decoding what I just sent and apologizing for being an idiot.

      It’s how you know the text is really from me and not an imposter.

  7. I’m still traumatized by the time I was trying to type “lunch meat” into my iphone and it kept coming out “lynch meat”. that doesn’t make sense. at all. who eats lynch meat? not me. no way.

    1. Maybe your auto-correct is really old, and he remembers back in the day when people were super poor and they had to eat what they could get. Maybe he’s from the Depression era?

      Maybe he’s just really into recycling and figures if someone is lynched, why not make a meal of it? Kind of like when life gives you lemons…..

      Either that, or you’ve written lynch another time and AC is on to you…:-)

  8. I hate auto correct!! You would think it would know by now that when I type dumbass that I do NOT want dumbs. I just had to fix that twice to comment. Asshole AC.

  9. I’m always yelling at poor A.C.—“If I wanted it to say that I woul have typed it!” and then other times “How could you not see that was an error!” But hey I’m hard to please and change my mind at will cause as the song says “It’s my prerogative!” ((Just so you no AC wanted me to say preoperative there))

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