3-year-old: Daddy, what is your job? Me: I sit in a cubicle all day and try not to be sad. 3: Apparently I was supposed to lie.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2014
*1-year-old carefully unwraps a chocolate coin* *drops the chocolate* *eats the foil*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2014
Protesters continue to set stuff on fire in Ukraine. It’s unclear if it’s b/c they hate the government or b/c it’s really fucking cold there
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2014
Me: Leave. This is the scary part. 3-year-old: I won’t be afraid. *Iron Chef burns the scallops* *me and 3-year-old both scream*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2014
3-year-old: Daddy, do you always want to be a parent? Me: What else would I be? 3: An eagle. I picked the wrong major.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 28, 2014