So, Rush Limbaugh called a Sandra Fluke a slut for suggesting that birth control should be covered by health insurance companies. Then he apologized because the left objects to the word “slut” being used to describe women who have sex with whoever they choose without an expressed intent to procreate or note from their pastor. OK, fine.
But he and many other Patriotic Americans are absolutely correct in pointing out that she is obviously attempting to get American taxpayers to pay for her dirty sexcapades (of which we are still awaiting the taped footage… you know, only for verification).
OK, so maybe not ALL taxpayers, but taxpayers who are covered by health plans offered by that particular free market private health insurance company. OK, so maybe not ALL taxpayers who are covered by that company, but ALL taxpayers covered by that company and on that same group health plan. But THOSE people would totally be paying for her late night skinny dipping and diaper-wearing bondage romps.
Some have been pointing out that when health insurance companies offer contraception coverage it actually LOWERS costs due to avoidance of large payments for unplanned pregnancies and births, but I also heard that that is not true, so we’ll just have to agree to disagree there.
Due to Rush shrewdly pointing out that insurance companies should not pay for things that can possibly be avoided, I hereby suggest that insurance companies should cancel these other popular coverages in the name of personal responsibility:
* Coverage for any infections or viruses obtained by careless people who touch doorknobs and then their face without washing their hands. Mom warned you.
* Coverage for any sexually transmitted diseases because, well, you should have known by the clothes she was wearing and the fact that she voted for Obama.
* Coverage for any lung issues which occur in those who have ever used tobacco or walked into a building where people were smoking outside of the entrance.
* Coverage for any digestive ailments for anyone who has knowingly made a late night run for the border at Taco Bell.
* Coverage for broken bones or any other injuries received while operating a motor vehicle, bicycle, walking anywhere near a street.
* Coverage for childbirth or any sort of infant care, as this is all completely avoidable with Aspirin.
* Coverage for allergy medications and treatment for anyone who willingly inhales particles found to be potential allergens.
* Coverage for cancer treatment for anyone who ingests, touches, or talks about any product found by the state of California to be carcinogenic in nature.
* Coverage for multiple personality disorder, because who the fuck said that?!?
* Coverage for erectile dysfunction, because if you need that you’re probably old, and old people are just plain creepy.
* Coverage for migraines or other head ailments for anyone who has been routinely listening to talk radio for more than 5 minutes at a time.
* Coverage for Parkinson’s Disease because Michael J. Fox is a big faker!
* Coverage for anything related to consumption of any narcotics that were obtained illegally. Oxycontin from a housekeeper, for example.
* Coverage for repairing the clogged arteries of any Cheeto-stained walruses who sit on their ass, talking all day.
In fact, just about every malady can be avoided if you try hard enough. What has happened to personal responsibility since the liberals took over?
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OK so the above is “satire”. What Rush Limbaugh does is just “being a douchebag”. Know the difference.