A few years ago, I got ordained on the internet. I read a few things, took a quick test, promised to do no harm to anyone and follow the golden rule and Shazaam! I was a Reverend. I am not kidding, I have the email that says, “Dear Reverend Cavanagh…” .
Why did I do this? Well, because I thought it would be a hoot plus it was my protest against the Catholic Church which still says Jesus doesn’t want me to be a priest. Jesus didn’t tell me that, so until I hear it personally from him, I do not accept that tenet.
I also did it so that some of my divorced catholic friends could have someone, who knows and loves them, officiate at their second trip down the aisle. None of them was in a position to spend the thousands for an annulment – nor do these fine practicing folk think it’s necessary, so I did what any friend would do and took a class so they could be united in the bondages – oops, I mean bonds of matrimony again.
I know this sounds rebellious, but honestly, this is as wild and rebellious as I get. I concede that I retain some love of old fashioned tradition, so when I saw an ad on HumorOutcasts.com about getting married online, I was both intrigued and a bit disheartened.
Wedonweb.net is a site which allows couples to be married in about five minutes online. I didn’t want to waste the site’s time by applying for a wedding I did not need, so I could not determine the cost of these watered-down nuptials. I truly do not mind this whole internet wedding setup if this is what a couple wants, but it seems so anti-climactic. I will admit that I love weddings. I love everything about them. I don’t care if they include five people or 500 people – I just love them. I love seeing the bride’s dress for the first time. I love the flowers and the cocktail hours, the choice of beef or chicken, and the Viennese hour with its vast assortment of decadent desserts and coffees. I even like when couples have photo booths so their guests can ham it up for the camera after downing a few “signature” drinks.
Okay, by now, you know I watch a lot of David Tutera’s My Fair Wedding. I guess when all is said and done, I am a bit of a romantic at heart. Anyway, back to the five minute ceremony. I can see where it can be practical: before a deployment to Afghanistan, before a dictator is forced into exile during a coup or before a lethal injection in Florida or Texas…yes, in these instances, an online ceremony would work.
But if you are getting married and there is no sense of hurry surrounding your marriage, is the internet the place for you? Even if you need a quick wedding, can’t you go to Vegas? They have drive-thru wedding chapels there. Is that not fast enough? I know the tech people are saying, “There is Skype and You Tube and smart phones, so family and friends can watch an online wedding.” However, to me, an online ceremony still seems cold. It is like artificial insemination. Sure, it might get the job done, but it misses the point that half the fun of achieving your goal is in the prep work.
Anyway, I am still going to give kudos to Wedonweb.net. This is an innovative business plan, and I am sure there is a market for those who want a quick trip down the virtual aisle. If this really takes off, I bet in the not too distant future, there will be an ad on my site hyping a five-minute divorce service. Hey, efficiency is everything. Not even Domino’s can deliver that fast.