Fast Food Fun

On Monday of this week The Daily Mail reported on an unusual mishap in an American McDonalds restaurant. A husband and wife were eating a meal when the woman leaned forward for an unspecified reason. As she did so, a handgun fell out of her pocket.

Why bring a gun into a McDonalds, you ask? Well, once you’ve seen the size of the cockroaches in the restroom, you learn to never enter a bathroom unarmed.

Upon hitting the ground, the gun discharged, sending a bullet into her husband’s stomach (the husband was sitting across the table). The husband was sent to a hospital and is fortunate to be in ‘fair’ condition. I say “fortunate” because the word “McDonalds” is the last thing you want to have appearing in your obituary.

Upon waking from surgery the man was quoted as saying, “I felt this incredible pain in my gut. At first I thought it was just the fish-stick. Those things always rile my system.”

Doctors at the local hospital claim that the man is lucky to have been eating where he was when he was shot. Crime scene analysis has determined that the bullet was sufficiently slowed by a cloud of airborne grease, thereby minimizing its damage upon impact. Dr Richard Smith was quoted as saying, “If this guy had been eating at a vegan restaurant, he’d have been toast.”

The lesson from this harrowing story is obvious. If you’re a couple eating dinner, and one of you is armed, make sure you both sit on the same side of the table. It’s much safer (and better for your relationship) to let someone you’re not married to take the bullet.