Fork It Over and Get Skinny or at Least Happy


By: Knick Banas

None of your diet programs have worked and you can’t figure out why?  Maybe it’s not what you eat but how you eat. Sound plausible?  Well, then maybe you need the HAPIfork.  Yep, for $99, you can own a fork that will not measure what you eat, but will measure how long you eat for, how many bites you take and the amount of time that exists between those bites.   And what will this data do for your diet you ask?  Well, the HAPIfork will provide feedback , which you can view online, about your eating habits so you can change from a life of gluttony to a life of healthier consumption. And for all you busy people on the go, you can download apps to help you access your eating info when not near your computer.

So, what happens if even after you get all the scientific data from the fork you still shovel food in your mouth faster than a great white shark that has been living on a plankton diet for a year devours a surfer?  Well, the fork understands the human need to stuff our faces, so it will emit an ever so gentle vibration to slow the dieter down.  Sounds great, right? There is also a rumor – completely unreliable of course – that next year, a high voltage shock system will be added into the fork to prod dieters into submission when the vibration feature fails.

I’m not sure if the HAPIfork and soon-to-be-released HAPIspoon will be the answer to dieting failures, but if the company can make the utensils in different shapes and design it to vibrate at different speeds, I am sure dieters and non-dieters alike will embrace it with open hands.

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6 thoughts on “Fork It Over and Get Skinny or at Least Happy”

  1. Antivirus companies will be rubbling their hands with glee with this. Can you imagine if someone hacked into your fork and threatened to expose what you’ve really eaten?

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