Jesus announced yesterday that he’s had enough. He is tired of earth’s crap and he’s canceled his second coming indefinitely.
“Look, I had a bad feeling about this way back when I agreed to be your savior to begin with. I told Dad that if he already had to drown practically a whole planet of you fuckers, how did he expect that this was going to turn out differently? A rainbow is pretty to look at, but it doesn’t solve deep, underlying issues. Like the fact that you people are awful. To the land. To the air. To the sea. To animals. To each other. Let’s face it – you suck. I don’t know how I thought you were ever worth redeeming.
When you set out to be someone’s savior, you want to feel like they deserve it. But I feel kind of taken advantage of. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t. I just don’t feel like you guys are putting in the proper effort. Do you know how bad it hurts to be nailed to a cross, even as a supreme being? And I made my mother cry. Sure, I showed up and floated over her so she could see me, but that was it. I couldn’t taste her cooking again and we couldn’t watch camel soccer matches together anymore. You guys really let me down. You think you’re the only planet? Fuck this place.”
God had no comment, but I guess he is Jesus anyway so… Oh I don’t know, it’s all so confusing.