The Crimson Chubby | HumorOutcasts

The Crimson Chubby

July 22, 2013
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IMG_0476Every year there are attendees at Comic-Con known as cosplayers who like to dress up as their favorite characters. Some put an amazing amount of work into their costumes. I took a picture of this fine gentleman at this year’s convention. I’m going to be honest: I don’t know if this is a character I’m not familiar with or this man’s normal Saturday attire.

Judging by the sneakers and sweatbands, I’m guessing he’s supposed to be some sort of wrestler. But again, I have no idea what wrestler that would be. I wish I could say this is the most disturbing Comic-Con costume I have seen but sadly it isn’t. That honor would go to the guy I saw a few years ago who was only wearing a pair of tighty whities and a cape. Just like wrestler dude, I have no idea who he was supposed to be either but, in his defense, he was in a lot better shape.

Sometimes I have to wonder if Comic-Con is an excuse for some people to walk around in their underwear in public knowing it’s the only time they can do so without being arrested for indecent exposure. Though when you think about it, I guess it does balance things out. For every woman dressed in a scantily clad Wonder Woman costume you’ll fantasize about later, there’s a portly dude in speedos who is going to give you nightmares for a very long time.

The more I looked at the picture of this guy, I have to admit I found myself admiring him. Let’s face it, no one is ever going to mistake him for an extra in the movie 300. On the contrary, he looks like he ate one of the extras in the movie 300. As someone who could stand to lose a few pounds (and by few, I mean a lot), there is no way I would ever be comfortable parading around a convention floor in front of thousands of people with my junk and gut hanging out. As a matter of fact, I’ve always wanted to go to Comic-Con dressed as Batman but I refuse to do so until I can without looking like a vigilante Buddha.

But here was this guy just walking around smiling and posing for pictures. He was loving every minute of it. And so did everyone who saw him. He made people smile and laugh but they were laughing with him, not at him. Okay, some were probably laughing at him but he didn’t care and I have to admire that. So I decided if I am not in good enough shape to go to Comic-Con next year as Batman, then I’m going as this guy. Except I’ll add matching red boots and a cape to the ensemble.

If I can’t be The Dark Knight, then I’ll be The Crimson Chubby.

 

 

 

 

Mario Turchiarolo

Mario Turchiarolo is a film/TV/and comic book writer. He’s also a foodie who loves to cook and eat. Check out his food blog The Bite at http://the-biteblog.blogspot.com.

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12 Responses to The Crimson Chubby

  1. Deb Martin-Webster
    July 23, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    As I said before Mario, I think you should go for it. I find this fellow disturbingly attractive.

    • July 23, 2013 at 6:19 pm

      He’s certainly comfortable in his own skin. That’s for sure.

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    July 23, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    He looks a lot like a thirsty dude I know.

    • July 23, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      I was actually wondering if it was him when I first saw him, Bill. Does the thirsty one like comic books?

  3. Dana Lotito
    July 23, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    I am unsure that I have a suitable response to that picture…

    Hilarious!

    • July 23, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      Thanks! As soon as I saw him, I knew a picture had to be taken. It’s like a car accident. You don’t want to look but you can’t help it.

  4. July 23, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    Great stuff. But we need a pic of your costume, dear sir.

    • July 23, 2013 at 6:21 pm

      Thanks! Believe it or not, I have never worn a costume to Comic-Con. But I will one of these days.

  5. July 23, 2013 at 10:29 am

    For every woman dressed in a scantily clad Wonder Woman costume you’ll fantasize about later, there’s a portly dude in speedos who is going to give you nightmares for a very long time.

    Brilliant. Thanks for the laugh.

  6. Kathy Minicozzi
    July 23, 2013 at 9:27 am

    Maybe we can both go next year. I’ll be Fat Catwoman.

    • July 23, 2013 at 6:22 pm

      Sounds like a plan, Kathy. I’m going to hold you to it!



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